*Trigger warning: this post hopes to provide some info about grief and how we can learn to address it through our own means. By no means are we professionally equipped to provide intervention, so if you are feeling overwhelmed, seek support and professional help where available. We have included some resources below.
Grief is fair. Grief doesn’t care about fame or riches, poverty or lack. Grief comes to one and all, at times anticipated and unexpected. If grief is inevitable, how do we understand it and how should we learn to live with it?
What are cycles of grief?
Grief comes in waves. It goes through a cycle, a non-linear way of processing our emotions and state of mind. Some people may revisit or skip stages, or may experiences an overlap of emotions. Grieving is unique to you, so acknowledging that there is no “right” way of doing this is the first step. And knowing that you’re not alone in this journey can help you and those like you be just slightly better at learning to live with it.
- Denial: The first stage acts as a defense mechanism where individuals refuse to accept the reality of loss. It provides temporary emotional relief and allows time to process. (see 6)
- Anger: individuals may feel feelings of anger and frustration, often directed to self, others or even to the person who has passed. Anger serves as a way to express pain and confusion.
- Bargaining: In this stage, individuals may find themselves trying to negotiate or make promises to reverse or prevent the loss. Thoughts of “I should have done this,” or “If only I did not..” are common, and these thoughts are often accompanied by deep sense of guilt/remorse.
- Depression: This stage involves deep sadness, isolation and withdrawal as the reality of loss sinks in. It is marked by feelings of emptiness and difficulties in managing daily activities.
- Acceptance: Individuals who come to accept their loss do so not by forgetting or trying to ignore their reality, but by adjusting to life at their own pace without their loved one.
- Shock: A state of numb disbelief that helps to buffer against overwhelming emotions immediately after a loss.
- Testing: At this stage, individuals being exploring solutions and strategies for coping with their grief.
- Reconstruction: Accompanying acceptance, this stage finds individuals trying to rebuild their lives and establish a new sense of normalcy.
Read more about Kessler and Kübler Ross’ work on grief:
What now?
Grief is one of the most challenging emotions we face in life, often arriving unexpectedly and leaving us lost, confused, overwhelmed and vulnerable. Grief is also not limited to the passing of a loved one – it can be experienced through any forms of losses. It is also deeply personal, and there is no one advice or solution out there that can help someone to “get over it”. Learning more about what grief can look like, and identifying your own emotions can help guide us towards the right direction. Taking care of grief is a journey that takes time and effort – be gentle with yourself and trust that brighter days will come again.
If you feel overwhelmed and need professional help, seek out local support groups or mental wellness services. We’ve included some resources that may help.
I Swear You Will Be Fine 
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