There’s a song I’ve been listening to that reminds me of you. It’s titled “j’s lullaby (darlin’ I’d wait for you)”. Whenever I play it, I imagine singing and saying these words to you. A few of my favorite lines are:
“Darlin’, I’d wait for you,
even if you didn’t ask me to.
Tie a lasso around the moon,
and bring it on down to you.
I’d bottle the feelin’ you give me,
and shelve that stuff for years to come.”
And this part is my favorite – the part that makes me bawl the hardest:
“I’d give you the sun if you asked me,
You could have all of the time.
You could have the stars and the trees.
When dividin’ up the universe,
You could have mine.”
I don’t think there was anything I wouldn’t have done to keep you here. I wholeheartedly believe that if there was something, anything, any of us could have done, we would have done it to keep you here. If you had asked me to take 100% of your pain so you could live pain-free, I’d do it in a heartbeat. Oh Josh, if love could have saved you, you would have lived forever.
Some part of me hopes that this grief will never end. Because sometimes, I think the grief is a sign that you’re still here. If we went about our days as if nothing was wrong, wouldn’t that make your absence seem a little too insignificant – like the weight of your departure wasn’t heavy enough to leave a mark? I don’t want the world to move on, as if you were merely a passing moment instead of the person who shaped my days. The grief, as painful as it is, feels like proof that you mattered, that you still matter. And maybe, in some way, holding onto the grief keeps you closer to me. After all, how lucky am I to love someone so much that I am willing to endure missing them for a lifetime?
If I could turn back time, knowing that nothing could change, I would still do it all over again if it meant having a love like yours. I will carry you with me until I see you again. And I will keep missing you – today, tomorrow, and for the rest of my days. I can’t wait to see you again. I love you more, always, and forever.
Love always,
Sha
Darlin’, I’d wait for you
Even if you didn’t ask me to
Tie a lasso around the moon
And bring it on down to you
I’d bottle the feelin’ you give me
And shelve that stuff for years to come
‘Cause, baby, when your arms are around me
I’d swear that I’m holding the sun
I’d give you the sun if you asked me
You could have all of the time
You could have the stars and the trees
When dividin’ up the universe
You could have mine
You could have mine
Darlin’, I wish that you
Could give me some more time
To herd the whole sky in my arms
And release it when you’re mine
I’d tell you, “I thought I loved you too”
I just didn’t have the words to say
I’d put the piece in your backyard
In hopes to be enough for you to stay
I’d give you the sun if you asked me
You could have all of the time
You could have the stars and the trees
When dividin’ up the universe
You could have mine
You could have mine
I’d give you the sun
I’d give you the sun
I’d give you the sun if you asked me (I’d give you the sun)
You could have all of the time
You could have the stars and the trees (I’d give you the sun)
When dividing up the universe
You could have mine
You could have mine
You could have mine
Goodnight
Goodnight
I Swear You Will Be Fine 
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