I Swear You Will Be Fine

Yesterday was an afternoon of revelations. three of us girls found that we were talking/thinking/feeling the same things about a certain incident for the longest time, but we never spoke about it collectively. im sure you were in the conversation as well cos if you were here, you would be like, “told you so.” you would probably be looking a little (who am i kidding, very) smug too, because you were right.

And there were moments today i felt the _______ more. That really good joke i made in lecture about someone with that perpetual wet look; Shalini was very supportive as usual, but i miss the “oh oh because.. ” and “pound it!” right next to me where you used to be. then walking her to class and making sure i dropped her off with the tightest hug and also advice on how to avoid one, where you should have been.

When we first came back to school, i wondered if we should’ve left your seat empty between us, but it didn’t make sense and cos being next to each other meant we could still talk about you/to you all the time. Even earlier when i was getting anxious, you (and sha) helped me with the forms and contacts. Then the news about the dire wolves babies, you would’ve been so excited. and guess what? one of them is romulus – with remus and khaleesi. i can hear your little geeky cheers from way above. silent high five and a little squeal in my head when i told you the news too.

Even though now there’s a f*cking massive void between us, you’re still here. And for that, i’m eternally grateful.

p.s. but i might have to wave to you from outside the gates, cos after that joke, im not sure if big J will let me.

“Lynnda”