I Swear You Will Be Fine

99 days. Tomorrow will be 3 digits. How did we do it? How are we still doing it? It can only be because of you softening the landing every time we fall.

Yesterday was an interesting day. We were both anxious and excited to go to the photo studio where we took Jess’s graduation photos late December last year. I had asked for another appointment to view the hundreds of pictures we didn’t select before so we could get more of you.

Jess, Sha and I were worried we would break down. We decided before we went in that we will try not to cry, and we won’t say anything about you. When we walked in, the photographer recognised Jess almost immediately. I thought the next question would be “where is your brother?”. But it didn’t come. We managed to go through the 100 over pictures with just the occasional tears. You must have been right next to us choosing the pictures where you looked absolutely dashing.

As we neared the end and confirmed which pictures we would buy, Sha said, “why can’t we ask them to just give us all? They’re just going to delete all of them anyway”. I initially laughed it off. Then Jess jokingly said, “the only way they would give them all to us free would be if we told them what happened”. In the next few minutes, we did a 180 degree turn, and decided to tell the lady why these pictures were so important to us. Sha was the bravest of us all, and said she will do it.

But as we were at the counter, I kind of thought, how can I let this little girl take the brunt of this. So I said to the lady, “how much would it cost for us to take all the pictures?”. She said she would need to do a calculation and let me know. And then I said it for the first time to a person I hardly knew. “My son has passed away, and these are the only pictures left of him”. Again, you must have been right next to me. I couldn’t have gotten the strength from anywhere else. The lady said she will check and get back to me.

Jess, Sha and I ran a few errands and then were queuing to make payment for a few things at one of the shops. While waiting, a whatsapp flashed on my phone from the studio. It was a beautiful message, with condolences, and offering to give us all the pictures free of charge. We were so happy. At exactly that moment, there was a little girl also queuing up to pay for her little stuffed toy- a baby hedgehog. We tried to look for another one to buy, but that was the last piece. So I jokingly told her parents she can have it.

A whole lot of signs, and strength for what would have been a really difficult day. You looked so handsome and even happy. Thank you for spending the afternoon with us.

Love you darling,

Mum