I Swear You Will Be Fine

Yesterday was another interesting day….full of music….and you.

Since you left this world, Jess heading back to London is harder on everyone. We had put in some “safety measures” to keep busy- pilates (yes, I know you’re laughing Josh), tea with my bestie (I can hear you saying “of course”), and some quiet time reading.

We missed you as Jess was checking in. You would always be the one helping her, especially with the bags. We missed you as we sat down for our McDonald’s breakfast before she would go through the gates. But just as we got up from breakfast, Michael Jackson’s “Remember The Time” started playing- your favourite MJ song. We fondly remembered you dancing to this as a child and constantly playing it in the car.

Later that afternoon, tea with my bestie also turned out to be a lovely afternoon with 3 special little girls (your favourites), who have been our rocks these last few months. As they were playing “Organ Attack” with Shalini while playing classical music in the background, the “Succession” theme came on. Another of your most favourite theme songs, and one you played so often, perhaps just second to the Catwoman theme song. Also Josh, you would love “Organ Attack”! You were clearly with us all afternoon.

And then the most important one of all. Despite the day being occupied, the Sunday night, as always, was heavy. 2 weeks ago, while watching the documentary “Surviving Death” on Netflix, there was a segment on asking your loved one for a sign, and to be bold about it, asking for something that only you and your loved one would know. I thought about it and asked you for the sign, to see the words “love you more” somewhere, anywhere. They were the special words we shared for so long, every time we said goodbye, on the phone, and when we said goodnight. You would always want the last say, and no matter how many times I would say it back, you would need to be the last one to say “love you more”.

Just before going to sleep, I was reading Laura Lynne Jackson’s “Signs”, and it was saying how you can’t say when you would get the sign. It may be within a day, a few days or a week. And I was disappointed, thinking it had been 2 weeks, and I still didn’t get the sign. And then 5 seconds later, on the very next page, it was there “love you more”. Absolutely amazing.

As Shalini said to me last night, we can do this, with your signs and you being right next to us.

My baby boy, love you more my darling…..I can almost hear you saying it back.

Love,

Mum