I Swear You Will Be Fine

The day our relationship turned three months old, we were walking out of your place, about to begin our nightly walk – the one where you’d walk me home. Thankfully, I was only five minutes away, but we’d always take the long route and walk slowly. I remember telling you, “I can’t believe it has been three months.” It felt like I had known you forever, like we’d been together much longer than that. You agreed, and said I made you feel older than your age – that you felt the desire to be more mature and independent than you already were. I told you I was glad you felt that way, because you made me feel younger – like I could be my true, comfortable self with you, like I could rely on you and turn my brain off. After that, I remember thinking how glad I was that it had only been three months – because that meant we had so much more time ahead of us. Our whole lives left for adventures, silly jokes and debates, laughter… a lifetime more of being a team, taking on the world together. I also remember feeling sad that three months had gone by so quickly. It felt like no matter how much time we spent with together, it was never enough. We always wanted more time with each other (which explains why we’d spend the entire day together, then get home and call each other, falling asleep on the phone until you woke up in the morning and ended the call after we said “Good morning, I’ll see you later”).

I used to say “I miss you” a lot, even when you were right beside me. The first time I said it you turned to me and laughed, “What do you mean, I’m right here?” I started laughing too and couldn’t explain why I suddenly felt the urge to say it. But I told you it was because I was already thinking of when we’d be apart and I’m missing you in advance. After that, you’d give me an extra hug whenever I said it. And I did the same for you, because you started saying it too. Maybe, all this time, we were saying it for moments like this. Moments where we’d have to be apart for longer than we imagined. For times when we wouldn’t be able to hear each other say it anymore. Maybe you can hear me, and I really do wish I can hear you too.

I read this Winnie-the-Pooh quote a while back and it really stuck with me. It goes:
“If ever there is a tomorrow when we’re not together,
there is something you must always remember.
You are braver than you believe,
stronger than you seem,
and smarter than you think.
But the most important thing is,
even if we are apart,
I’ll always be with you”

I’ll keep you with me, always. And I’ll imagine that wherever I go, you are right beside me. Can’t wait to laugh with you again. I have so much to tell you, and I’m sure you have lots to tell me too. I love you more, always, and forever.

Love,
Sha