I Swear You Will Be Fine

The power of association is a strange thing. Like how my brain struggles to associate theories with work that I do on the daily, but small things jump right back to you in the most expected and unexpected moments. Such as how i would’ve turned out entire capsule machines to get the right pokemons for you and sha. how it would’ve been very cool to spam you with all the fandom even though (loser) you did not watch it.

In the back of my mind, i was actively trying not to show all these thoughts in my head when i was out with my family and friends. because they would wonder why would i make all these associations with you when there was absolutely no “direct” linkage to you and japan? but it was there.

I met a new friend during the convention, and of all the names in the world, his name is joshy (really, josh? not being very subtle are you?) so i texted sha and said, hey, look what your bf did. sent me this random friendly strange kid who reminds me of you guys. literally did not know ANY joshuas in my life until you (and the other josh in class but um yeah), and I said to sha how now i compare whether people are nice/acceptable vibes only when they have aspects reminding me of josh and her.

And then i realised it’s not about whether we had physically been somewhere and done something together, it’s the every day pieces that you’ve left with us – your humour (reminded of this daily), your kindness, your excitedness, your appreciation for the smallest things, your realness, and just being a big, warm ball of everything that was good. you’re everywhere, and that’s quite alright.