I Swear You Will Be Fine

I was so surprised at the number of people who came to your wake and funeral.

There were friends from your kindergarten, primary school, secondary school, drama club and university. They just kept coming in. So many of them were inconsolably weeping. I remember asking many of them who they were. For a child who spent easily more than 90% of his time in his room, I never thought you had so many friends. Even your primary school teacher and your university lecturer came and were visibly shaken. And even as recently as a few weeks ago, friends from your kindergarten paid their respects to you and visited us, many still quite distraught.

After your funeral, your closest friends sat on the kitchen floor, playing with Cadbury and Knight. They were clearly deeply affected. Many of them have been very kindly visiting us and checking in on us. Even though I knew of them over the last several years, it is only after you passed on that I’m getting to know them better. They are an incredible bunch.

Though I met Lynn at your wake, I didn’t meet her “properly” until months later. She is such an amazing person. No wonder you were so fond of her. The depth of her pain is so evident.

It goes without saying that your family loves you to the moon and back. The love your grandparents showed you was unprecedented. There would not be such a relationship between grandson and grandparents ever in this world. Even our helper Tun loves you like she would her own child. There was nothing we wouldn’t have done for you. We would have traded places with you in a heartbeat.

To so many of our close family friends and extended family, your loss has been almost equivalent to their own son/ brother/ grandson. So many feel the loss almost too much. It sometimes doesn’t make sense, but then it does.

Cadbury and Knight loved you like no other. I actually think Cadbury was weeping at your funeral. They both miss you so much. You know the love they had for you.

And then there is Sha. The love of your life. Though I saw her most days in a week for the 6 months before you passed, I didn’t really know her until now. She is an exceptional person. You could have never done better. The love she has for you cannot be described in words.

For Jess and me, well, it was always the 3 of us. “Just Us” was the name of our WhatsApp chat group that hasn’t been used since 31^st December. It was always going to be the 3 of us. And now, even though you are physically not here, we have to believe it is still the 3 of us. The love we have for you is so immense. I really hope you knew and still know this. Recently a family friend who knew how our lives revolved around you said that with all the love we had for each other this happened, then this was truly inevitable. I am comforted that this is how it was.

So at the end, what I am saying is that you were surrounded by love. And I think you knew it. And perhaps that’s what kept you going for so many years. There was no shortage of it. From family, friends, pets. I don’t think I know someone who was loved so intensely by so many people. And for this, you are blessed, and so are we.

Our love continues to surround you. And maybe this is why it hurts so much.

Love you darling,

Mum

From one of your closest friends who carved this on a lake at the Everest base camp. Another testament to how much you are loved Josh.