I Swear You Will Be Fine

Needless to say, Josh and I have had countless conversations about everything and anything. In fact, our interesting conversations began even before we were a couple. It’s hard to pick a favorite conversation I’ve had with Josh because we’ve talked about most aspects of our lives, discussed hypothetical scenarios, had silly debates (like “is water wet?” and “is a hotdog a sandwich?”) – it’s almost unbelievable how much we talk. Sometimes it feels like it’s all we ever do. Talking to each other was our favorite pastime. There were times where I’d ask him, “What shall we do now?” and Josh would say, “Do you want to just talk?” My response would always be, “YES, YES! Let’s talk forever!!!” He’d laugh, and we’d settle in comfortably next to each other, and begin. The only time we’re silent is if we both have food in our mouths, or we’re watching TV, or studying.  

Many of these conversations I can readily replay in my mind like vivid scenes from a movie. There is one conversation we had though, that might just be the clearest image I can conjure in my mind – it is the conversation we had about our wedding. I know I wrote about vows, but I never went into the details of the wedding we very excitedly planned in our heads.

It was a casual weekday afternoon, and I can’t recall what made us even begin talking about this, but these are the ideas that we had in mind:

1. Tables with Brains: One of the very first things we bonded over, when we had just met, was our shared interest and love for neuroscience and the brain. We were talking on the train ride back home, when I said that I love the brain and learning about it. Josh’s eyes lit up and he said that he loves the brain too! So, during our “wedding planning”, we dreamed up ways to incorporate parts that made us, us. We wanted each table to be named after a part of the brain and placed in the corresponding location within the venue. We also wanted to put some information about each part of the brain at the table, so people can learn fun facts and understand why we enjoy the brain so much. For example, the prefrontal cortex is located at the front of the brain, so naturally, the prefrontal cortex table would be at the front of the wedding hall, with some prefrontal cortex-related fun facts on the table!
2. Little Lego Men: The second idea we had to have was plain little Lego men and Lego clothes/hair/accessories on each table. Guests can build their own versions of Lego people for themselves or their tablemates, and take home their little Lego figurines at the end of the ceremony. We came up with this idea because Lego men are kind of special to us. A week or so before his birthday, Josh randomly gave me a Lego man in class and showed me that he had one too. I was puzzled because he didn’t say anything when he gave it to me – just took the Lego man and placed it on my computer. I looked at him, and he said, “One for me, one for you”. I instantly understood his intented meaning – our dearest Lynn had told us a personal love story with a toy involved and Josh wanted to do something similar for the both of us. Back then, I was always kind of unsure if Josh liked me, but this Lego man exchange confirmed that he did. Later that day, I named Josh’s Lego man, and he named mine. His Lego man still sits on his piano, and mine on a shelf overlooking my study table in my bedroom. Therefore, Lego men had to be a part of our wedding. Our guests would go home with fun facts and fun items! (As I’m writing this, I can picture how fun and childish this would be. Mostly fun, though.)
3. Macca’s and Western: We also talked about food at the wedding. Josh and I are both famously picky eaters. While he eventually became incredibly disciplined with his diet, he remained as particular as I am about his likes and dislikes. So, when we imagined the food at our wedding, we tossed out any traditional expectations. No formally plated meals, no extravagantly tiny servings. Instead, we pictured a buffet with food we both like – Macca’s, different types of pastas, various ice creams, brownies – you name it, we will probably have it. I still laugh thinking about how some of our guests might like lining up for cheeseburgers in formalwear. (Josh didn’t even suggest making the food healthy, so maybe it’s a cheat day for everyone!)
4. The Best Pianist I Know: Music has always been a big part of Josh’s life, and a meaningful part of our relationship. Josh said that he wanted to play the piano at our wedding, and of course I agreed. If he hadn’t said it, I would have asked him myself. We started dreaming up our wedding playlist. Josh wanted “Summer” by Brockhampton – it is his absolute favorite song, and he also wanted our daughter’s middle name to be Summer. As for me, I requested for Disney songs like “A Whole New World” – this song is special to my dad and I, and funnily enough, it was also the very first song Josh ever played for me on the piano, before he even knew that it was special to me. That’s the kind of serendipity that made us feel like we were meant to be (there are many others too!). I also snuck in a request for some Taylor Swift songs but (no surprise here) Josh strongly refused. I only let it slide because I figured by the time our wedding came, I’d be able to get him to like at least one Taylor Swift song. And it worked! He now plays “Champagne Problems” regularly.
5. Puzzle Book: For our first date, we went on a walk at the park. But that was not the original plan. Before Josh suggested walking in the park, he had asked me what my hobbies are and proposed doing puzzles together at the library. When I read the text he sent suggesting this, I almost squealed. It was such a brilliant idea and so sweet I thought he Googled for it (but he said no, he just tried to combine all the things I like). Hence, for our wedding, we wanted to have a puzzle book instead of the usual guest books where guests write well wishes. A friend of mine did this at her wedding and I shared the idea with Josh. Josh and I intended to build a plain puzzle prior to the big day, and guests can write their well wishes on the puzzle. It’ll be so fun when we get to take it apart and piece it together again.
6. Kahoot: Last but not least, we wanted to the guests to play… Kahoot. We’d set questions about our relationship and guests would answer. The winner of Kahoot will get a cash prize that our receptionists would collect from guests at the start (like, $2 or $5 each, don’t worry). Kahoot is also special to us because we’d frequently have Kahoot quizzes in class and we would compete for first place. In the birthday letter I wrote him, I even talked about how I’d continue to compete with him academically and finally try to beat him at Kahoot (To that, he responded with, “you can try but you’ll always be second place. I’m kidding, you probably beat me sometimes.” I did beat him sometimes, but he won a lot too).
7. No Alcohol Rule: Josh and I made a pact to stop drinking alcohol, and we haven’t had a single drop since the day we made that promise (a hilarious story for another day). Naturally, our wedding would be alcohol-free too! I’d actually love to see how some of our guests would react to that rule!

I am sure we had many little additions to our wedding plans ever since we had this conversation, but this is the general picture of our wedding day. We had loads of fun discussing this and I’m sure at one point Josh was like “people are going to think we’re absolute children” and I totally agree but where’s the fun in life if we don’t act like children once in a while, right? I’m so thankful I could always act as childish as I wanted to with Josh. No one else would see me as I am and match my energy as well as he does.

Oh Josh, I wish this wedding dream of ours came true, we would have had lots of fun. I’m sure you wish it came true too, but it’s alright. Like I always say, we can try again in our next lives. And in our next lives, all of you readers have to come to our wedding, okay? It’ll be the best one you’ve been to, I promise!

Can’t wait to see you again, love. I love you more, always, and forever.

Love always,
Sha