I Swear You Will Be Fine

Sorry for the dreary headline. While this topic may appear to be common sense to those reading this blog, but many others may not have the opportunity to learn more about what mental health means.

I recently had yet another conversation with someone about their lows, and one of the references was about how faith helps them to “steer away” before they spiral deeper into negative feelings, and not being able to come back from it. Then they said that perhaps those who suffer from depressions and other mood disorders could possibly help themselves in these similar circumstances if only they knew how to stop those negative thoughts. “If only they had God to turn these evil thoughts away.” at this point, i caught myself getting angry – angry not because i am a non-believer, but angry that faith/belief isn’t always the solution. i caught myself but i wasn’t able to stop myself saying, “but God failed us this time”. Thankfully, they didn’t get mad at me for saying that, but instead tried to explain what they meant. The conversation ended with us agreeing to disagree on the extent of what faith/belief can do for those who may be experiencing repeated negative thoughts and feelings.

Neither of us were wrong in our assumptions about mental health – in fact, in almost every single disorder in the DSM-V, bio-psycho-social (and cultural) factors influence each other in the culmination and manifestation of symptoms, and eventually diagnosis. And because symptoms are often experienced within – like moods, emotions, thoughts, it is harder for the next person to identify them without the willingness/openness of the afflicted individual. Symptoms can be physical / somatic representations, but not all disorders share this attribute. So how do we explain the state of mental health without being able to physically show others where it hurts?

Once, i tried explaining it to someone like it was cancer. yes, while we are able to do various biopsy tests, mris, blood work tests, markers etc to narrow down the possibility of a diagnosis, it also requires healthcare professionals to match existing knowledge about the illness before they can diagnose someone with the condition. It is very much the same with mental illnesses, we assess, we interview, and we can go as far as to scan too to see if any parts of the brain correlated to emotional regulation, impulse control, etc are responding differently, before we can make a diagnosis for treatment. So why does understanding the severity of the latter, or the willingness to discuss it as it is – an illness that an individual does not choose to have – becomes much harder to fathom?

Some common deterrents may be:

1. Stigma and misconceptions: While the younger generation is more open to speak up about their mental wellness, the older generations may still hold stigma and multitudes of misconceptions about what it means. “they’re just too fragile, we didn’t have help and we grew up fine”. “they are just abusing the privileges of being depressed, and emotional.” “it’s just a fad”. I’m not advocating for overreacting at every single instance of possible symptoms, but it helps to stop reacting negatively if someone chooses to share. Listen and be open, and learn more before judgment. Misconceptions happen when willingness to learn more and understand stops.
2. Lack of dependable/trustworthy source of information about mental health Unless you’re actually in the healthcare sector, or in related fields, you may not know where to start or who to trust with the right information. As with any sort of information online or via third-hand sources, always try to verify sources for truth. In fact, “Veritate et caritate” – seek the truth, but the truth alone is not enough, seek the truth with love based on understanding and reason.
3. Cultural and racial barriers No doubt in asian culture, trying to talk about your feelings is often undesirable, frowned upon or actively avoided. (i can only talk about chinese parents cos well, im chinese). Chinese parents may expect you to not shame your family with showcasing your vulnerabilities, or hold your tongue because that is unseemly. they might make an excuse that you’re just going through your rebellious phase(s), and will “grow out of it”. that not speaking out of line is the right way to ‘respect your elders’. Again im not advocating for mutiny against cultural values and norms, but blindly following what has “worked before” only means we have not grown/progressed as a civilisation. If you are a parent, or have parents/grandparents who have not actively tried to explore out of cultural/racial “norms” about mental health, choose otherwise.
4. Preference for self-reliance closely linked to all of the above, is the confidence that we are able to ‘fix ourselves’ if only time allows us to. yes, mental wellness can be achieved and sustained if we know the right ‘exercises’ to keep our health in the best state. but like physical health, how will you know if you are healthy to begin with if you are not able to assess where you are today? and much like physical health ,where many of us are willing to spend money, time, effort into things like gym and dieting, mental health requires us to do the same. And if we know that our mental health is not optimal and can benefit from a “personal trainer” or a classpass to kickstart betterment, what is stopping us?

These are just some of the very common reasons/deterrents on why awareness of mental health (while improving) is crawling at a snail’s pace. May is Mental Health Awareness Month. Before the month ends, I hope you can speak to at least one other person to help spread more awareness about mental health and to make the next conversation about it easier and more commonplace. there will be arguments, there will be differing opinions and there will uncomfortable silence, but we must start somewhere.