I Swear You Will Be Fine

As we were crossing Orchard Road the other day, we saw the elderly Uncle in his wheelchair selling tissue packets. I asked Ammamma for a $1 coin to give him. We would give the coin and not take the tissue packets. This was something you always wanted to do, and I would joke with you that your charity is not about using my money. But it was nice that this was always important to you. With your emotional sensitivity, I don’t think you could have done a lot volunteering or certain charitable work. But this was something you always looked out for.

When you were about 5 years old, I remember after a Christmas church service, you were given a goodie bag, full of snacks and chocolates. At the time, you loved all these sweets. As we were driving home, we paused at a traffic light. I remember you putting the window down and handing your goodie bag to a guy sweeping the road. It was sweet, and I was surprised.

Recently, maybe just a few months before you passed, we passed by another Uncle selling tissue packets. You asked for a $1 coin and I gave it to you. But the Uncle looked at you and asked if we could give him $2. So I reached into my wallet, and gave you the $2 which you gave him. And the Uncle didn’t return the coin. I remember you looking sheepishly at me. With that look, “ok, ok”. The image is strangely crystal clear to me.

I know there is a lot more you would have liked to do. But with all your struggles, it was too much for you to handle.

Now, with this tragedy that has happened, I am blessed to have so many friends and family constantly doing acts of kindness for us. I never thought we would have this much.

The friends and family that stepped in and took over throughout your funeral, and the continuous supply of food from so many.

The sweet friend who brought a flask of tea with little cups less than 24 hours after you passed, and insisting I sit with her and have sips of the sweet tea.

My friends who actually scheduled a roster to check up on me for weeks, until I told them they could stop.

Jess’s friends who stepped in like sisters, and giving her all the support she needed.

Ammamma’s friend Aunty E making it a routine to visit her every Tuesday, and having dinner with her.

Our friend/brother who flies in twice a month and spends every waking minute with us, bringing flowers for you and chocolates for me.

The cousins and friends who still constantly keep checking on me and sending messages with much comfort.

The friend who took note that purple is now my favourite colour and bought me purple and white flowers.

The colleague at work who came to me and said, “Can I give you a hug?”

Another colleague leaving a coffee and pastry on my desk just to cheer me up.

My bestie/sister designing the most special ring with a purple heart together with Jess’s and your birthstone.

And my closest friends keeping my weekends busy to keep me sane and sharing the cutest stories of different signs they know will make my day.

These are just a few acts of kindness and what I never expected. Is it you gently nudging all these beautiful people our way? How will I ever repay them?

Maybe it is the beautiful heart that you had. Despite not being able to do a lot, your heart was the purest and kindest. And this was known to all who knew you. And perhaps that is why so many are taking this so much harder than we expected.

The last few days have been harder for all of us. Perhaps because the end of the month is nearing, and the end of every month will always be a reminder of our worst day ever.

I hope you are now able to do everything you wanted to do darling. Acts of kindness and everything else.

Love you darling,

Mum