I Swear You Will Be Fine

The theme seems to be about “the boys” this week. So time to talk about your first life saver.

I think Cadbury may possibly be the saddest of us all. You were probably the whole reason for his existence. On the day of the funeral, he even refused to eat.

Every morning I find him perched on the sofa, head slouched on the armrest, hardly moving. His large sad eyes just briefly looking up at me. He also seems to have aged considerably since you died. He can jump on the sofa, but is often scared to jump down. In his senior years, it is so wrong that his young master went before him.

I remember the time in December 2015 when you were in hospital for food refusal because you were insistent on me and Dad divorcing. We finally got you to start eating again by promising you a puppy. You called Jess from the hospital and your mood had completely lifted. 

The next day we went looking for your new pet. Even then, impatience and the need for instant gratification was a difficulty you faced. When we walked into the pet shop, your eyes actually settled on another dog. A slightly larger, cream-coloured poodle. You even named him Lego. The main reason you wanted him was because he was old enough to take home immediately. But a few cages down, was the little chocolate brown, tiny toy/tea-cup poodle. He was just 4 weeks old, and caught our attention with his adorable energy. The only “boy” from a litter of 7, he was sprightly and became the love of our lives almost immediately. But you wanted to take the dog home immediately, and this little pup was too young. After much, much negotiation, you relented, and agreed on this pup, with the condition that I would bring you to the pet shop everyday for the next few weeks until we were able to bring him home. Weeks later Cadbury entered our home. The tiny little chocolate brown toy poodle that didn’t even look real. You named him looking at a poster advertisement for Cadbury chocolate at the pet shop. Mama would tell us later that we had named him after something poisonous for him!

Caddy was your whole life. On days you were inconsolable, Jess would pick him up and plop him on your lap. Somehow he would comfort you. He misses sleeping under your arm all night, like a little stuffed toy. Remember the times Ammamma or I would nearly get our heads bitten off when we tried to kiss you good night when Caddy was sleeping with you?

I also know on several occasions, he was the one who saved your life. He was the reason you stayed. Why wasn’t he a reason for you to stay this time? In the last 10 years, there were so many, many things we did to try and lift your mood. The Hokkaido trip less than 72 hours before you died was another one of these things to pick you up. Why didn’t it work this time?

So tonight, I am imagining you running around with the doggies in heaven, playing fetch with them. And I hope you come and cuddle Caddy when he is lying on the sofa, looking at your picture. He misses you so much. We all do.

Love you my darling,

Mum