I Swear You Will Be Fine

Apologies for the delay, I was on a 14 hour flight.

I went clubbing for the second time since Josh passed and didn’t realise that it was where we saw Brockhampton together. The one thing Josh and I have in common is music. He was my concert buddy for Twenty One Pilots, Brockhampton and Kendrick Lamar. It irritates me massively that it ends at three. He’s the only one who would spend similar amounts as me on concert tickets.

But anyways, I remember the Brockhampton concert so well. Josh loved autographs. Always has. Loved meeting his idols, showing them his artwork and getting autographs. So when we arranged that he would come to London to watch Brockhampton with me, I knew that it essentially meant three days of celebrity stalking.

Since this was in the middle of term time for me, the compromise was that I would sit in a cafe while Josh stood in the freezing weather, hoping to get a glimpse of the rappers. The day before the concert, I dropped Josh at the concert venue while I sat in a Nandos opposite and did work. About three hours later, I had lost my patience and wanted to leave. As I walked back to Josh, I saw a group of guys walking towards me. Josh and I later realised Brockhampton was eating dinner at Nandos, at the table where I had been. Josh was nice enough not to yell at me for leaving.

The next day, we went to the concert. There are a few artists that Josh and I were obsessed with, and Brockhampton was definitely one of them. We knew every word. We had also been for enough concerts that we knew what to do – Josh would go ‘chope’ our seats as they were first come first serve and I would grab our merch. It was an excellent concert, as their second last show ever.

After, Josh wanted to line up and meet one of the rappers. Anyone who’s been to London knows that Brixton isn’t famous for being safe. So even though I was very against this, my mum convinced me to book a car to pick us an hour after the concert so we would get home safe. Personally, I was not pleased. But I also knew that if Josh didn’t get to meet the rapper, it is unlikely we would leave the venue. Thankfully, Josh’s artwork was honestly quite good. One of the security guards noticed it and made an effort to get it to the rapper. It made Josh’s trip.

Looking back, I know we did a lot of ridiculous things to make Josh happy. We knew it was ridiculous then and especially now. But I’m glad we did it now. It’s nice not having to stalk celebrities I don’t want to meet anymore, but some stupid part of me misses it. Taking Josh to random hotel lobbies or concert venues, where one of us would sit with him to make sure he got the autograph. It drove me nuts, but I’m glad we did it now. There’s so much more I wish I could still do for him.

I’m back home now. I don’t know if I miss him more or less here. I keep waiting for him to scold me for locking the bathroom door or not leashing the dogs properly. I want to talk to him about how my Dad is somehow still upsetting me. I want him to tell me to go to the gym because yes, I should be losing weight. Josh never found an excuse not to go.

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