I Swear You Will Be Fine

You’d find this quite interesting (and possibly dubious) but the girl who we often judged (oops) somehow started becoming acquaintances with me. She suddenly reached out a while after you left for Heaven and told me that she had watched the funeral and cried too, even though she barely knew us. She started initiating conversations with me, and I would talk to her about you. Even when the topic was not about relationships, the future, or you, I’d somehow find a way to bring it back to you. I just enjoy talking about you and didn’t really care if she minded it (honestly, if she does mind it, she can stop talking to me. I wouldn’t be bothered). I shared stories of us with her, always talking about you in the present tense, and described our relationship exactly the way it is. To her, I was probably constantly singing praises about you and us.

Recently, she suddenly told me that she ended her two-year relationship with a guy who had been unkind to her. I was surprised because she had never mentioned being with someone. I also felt a little bad, wondering if I had been so preoccupied talking about you that I didn’t bother asking her about her life. (Very likely… again, not that I minded, oops.) When I asked her why and how she broke up with him, she said that listening to the stories about us and the way I speak about you made her realize that she should raise her standards. She said she had never thought of her boyfriend the way I talk about you, and feels like she should be looking for someone like you instead of settling for less. I totally wasn’t expecting that, and it made me really happy to hear that our relationship was the gold standard (Yipee!). Above all, even though we aren’t exactly close, I was glad that she had got out of a bad relationship – and more than anything, I was glad that we somehow helped her do that. Look at you! Still helping people from miles away.

The other day, she was asking me for advice on how to do well in Psychopathology, a subject we had completed a trimester before her. I gave her all the advice I could, telling her that we basically just memorized the DSM-5. Again, I boasted about you and how you managed to memorize so much of it – down to numbering the symptoms in the exam the way the DSM-5 does. I then told her how Psychopathology was my all-time favorite subject and how much fun I had studying for it. She thought I had lost my mind, and questioned how I could enjoy such a boring and difficult subject. She asked why I liked it so much, and I couldn’t really explain why. Again, I brought the topic to you. I told her it was because we had studied together and you somehow made things so much fun – so really, every subject I did with you would automatically become my favorite. After that conversation, I was still pondering why I love Psychopathology so much. Was it because you created adorable mnemonics that aided my memorization? Was it because I was genuinely interested in the subject and diagnostics? Yes, and yes. Then, as I was trying my hardest to remember what we were doing before the big exam, I recalled.

We were at Universal Studios Singapore (USS). Yes – before the big exam, you and I went to USS for Halloween. That’s a longer story for another day, but going to USS is the main reason why I love Psychopathology. Because whilst studying for the exam, we went for Halloween Horror Night, came home at 2am, missed school the next day, and aced the exam anyway. Studying for Psychopathology was so much fun. We discussed case studies, assignments, diagnosed people on the street and in the movies we watched… Best of all, while waiting in line for rollercoasters and haunted houses at USS, we were quizzing each other on the DSM-5. “Symptoms of Social Anxiety, go!” “How many mood disorders are there, and what are they?” “Severity and duration of symptoms required for…?” The whole time we were queuing, we were going back and forth, talking about mental disorders, etiology, treatment… Eventually, we noticed people around us turning to look at us because we were laughing and talking so passionately about mental disorders. Come to think of it, people must have thought we had a screw loose. That night was so, so much fun for many reasons. But I think my favorite part was queuing for hours with you, memorizing the DSM-5.

So, the reason Psychopathology is my favorite subject is because I did it with you. School, studying, playing games, running errands, and even going to the gym… These were all my favorite activities because I did them with you. You magically made things that were supposed to be boring, so fun. That is also one of the many reasons why I am so comfortable and ready to spend my whole life with you – because we could be sitting next to each other with absolutely nothing, and we’d be laughing the entire time.

I guess the point of this letter is to thank you. Thank you for making the unfun, fun. Thank you for instilling values in me that I now treasure with my whole heart. I could thank you for a million, a billion things, but most of all, thank you for being you. There is no one else I’d rather be with.

I hope you’re having the best time in Heaven. Though I do wonder, what’s Heaven got that I can’t find sitting next to you on a comfortable afternoon? I can’t wait to find out and see you again. I love you more, always, and forever.

Love always,
Sha