I Swear You Will Be Fine

There’s a new TV series I started watching called Heavenly Ever After. It’s a Korean Drama, about how a couple meet in heaven. It’s very sweet. I’m not sure if you would have watched it, Josh. But you may have caught snippets of it every time you came into my room if you were still here. Actually, you would have probably said “what rubbish”, but I still think you would have paused to watch a few minutes or seconds. The first few episodes were very sweet, especially the one on pets.

In the first episode, there is a scene where the old lady is at the gates of heaven. She is 80 years old when she gets there. And she is looking forward to meeting her husband. She needs to make a decision about what age she wants to be in heaven. And she only gets one choice. She decides to stick to 80 years as her husband had told her she looked the most beautiful to him when she was that age. Unfortunately for her, when she finally meets her husband in heaven, he has picked a significantly younger age to be.

This sparked a little discussion amongst ourselves. If this was really the case, what age would you have chosen?

I don’t think you have chosen “Baby Josh”- you probably don’t remember much of it. Probably not much of your toddler years and primary school years too.

I don’t think you would have chosen your early teens as well. They were particularly difficult years, with the weight gain, difficulties with Dad, school etc. I also thought that you wouldn’t have wanted the ages after 10 years, because you were plagued with the difficulties of the illness after that age.

But I was reminded that where you are, there is no BPD or any other illness.

And so, the consensus was that you would have chosen the exact age you departed this earth. 20 years. Yes, you had the illness, but that would not exist in heaven. And despite the illness, you had done all anyone possibly can to “perfect” themselves. You were physically in your fittest form. Like S said, “you went out ripped”. You had reached perfect grades with an average of high distinctions. You had a lovely girlfriend. In everyone’s eyes, it was like you had attained the perfect life. Alas, the mental health was far from perfect.

So I guess that’s what we’ve decided. Based on Heavenly Ever After, if indeed an age had to be chosen, I think you would have chosen 20 years. But personally, I think heaven allows you to change between the different ages. When we dream, we see you in all the different ages- as a baby, toddler, pre-schooler, teen, and a near adult. In all of them, you look happy. So that is what is important.

Love you darling,

Mum