I Swear You Will Be Fine

We got to celebrate Joshua’s 21st birthday on Friday with his closest family and friends. When I did Josh’s eulogy, I knew Josh would want me to thank all the people who made his life what it was. So for his 21st birthday post, I think the best thing I can do is thank all the people who spent his 20 birthdays on earth with him.

His friends. As his older sister, I always dismissed Josh’s friends as people weird enough to hang out with my brother willingly. As the sister of a younger brother who has passed, I could not appreciate them more. Josh had a knack for picking incredible friends, all the way from primary school to university. As much as Josh chose them, they chose him. And it feels like they have chosen us now, to make us laugh with silly stories about Josh and hug us in ways that remind us of Josh. We won’t get Josh back, but it was an excellent second to spend his birthday with them. Plus, they spoil Cadbury and Knight almost as much as Josh did. I’m sure he would approve.

Our family friends. Mum’s best friends and their families who have stepped up as if they’re blood relatives. Some of their children check up on us every single day. Friends of my grandparents who have watched us grow up and given us red packets for any excuse they could think of. For people with no relatives in the same country apart from immediate family, it often doesn’t feel like that. I know Josh would agree.

His aunts and uncles and cousins. They’re second cousins who live more than 8 hours away, and they behave as though they have the responsibility of siblings. They have made the biggest effort to be there for us. Not just during his funeral or after, but during his birthday. God knows it was far from easy, but supporting us has been a burden they’ve chosen to take. Josh and I were always the oldest, but now I feel like I see bits of him in all our cousins. I would have been jealous before but now I love it.

Our helper. She has looked after and pampered us since we were children, and done so many of the things none of us wanted to after Josh passed. She raised us like we were her own. Josh would agree we often took her for granted.

His lovely, lovely girlfriend. Life is so unfair that they didn’t get to celebrate one of his birthdays together as a couple. I know he would have spent every birthday for the rest of his life with her if he could. I’m not sure how many people would step up for their partner’s family after something like this the way that she has. It would have meant the world to Josh.

My grandparents. They celebrated our birthdays like they were national holidays. When we talk about our immediate family, we count our mum and grandparents. Not many people would know love the way we do from our grandparents.

Our Mum. I’m finding it harder to write about our immediate family (Mum + grandparents) because of how much they mean to us. I don’t think I can do it justice right now. But the sadness we feel at having lost Josh is so potent amongst us. I don’t think think anyone would have blamed Mum if she had become a tyrant after Joshua passed, but I think she’s become nicer. She hugs and looks after Joshua’s friends as if they’re bits of her own son. I could write about how much strength she showed not just during Josh’s illness but after for pages. If it weren’t for her, I don’t think I would have survived the last 6 months. More importantly, if it weren’t for her, we would have lost Josh 10 years ago.

From his sister, I’m grateful for Josh. All these people came together to celebrate 20 years of a young boy who isn’t here anymore. He touched all of their lives. Every single one bought a present, whether it was a purple and yellow flower or some keychain he would have loved. His bedroom is littered with gifts he would have loved, cards with heartfelt messages and balloons with so much love released into the sky. I know he would have loved it. So I think it’s only right we thank everyone for loving him with us.