I Swear You Will Be Fine

Day 209 – 21 Balloons

#1 – From me. Just to have the last word, “Love you more Josh”

#2 – From Jess. Not an hour goes by that she doesn’t miss and think of you.

#3 – From Shalini. The love of your life. And an incredibly painful day for her.

#4 – From Ammamma and Patta. No grandson could have been more loved or cared for.

#5 – From Tun. Our helper who cared for you like she would her own child.

#6 – From Caddy and Knight. You were their whole lives. And they were the ones with you during your last minutes.

#7 – From your old friend G, who spent the day walking around the places close to both of you, like the side gate of your primary school. It was heartbreaking when he came into your room and laid flowers on your bed.

#8 – From your friend M. He came in with yellow and purple orchid plants, which are now sitting on your table. And from your friend V, another close friend who came to your aid so, many, many times.

#9 –  From your friend C, probably your oldest friend, who rushed to your side when J passed, and has come to be with you so many times when you were struggling. And from your friend G. You were fiercely protective of him, and he of you. They both miss you so.

#10 – From your friend A, who you spent a lot of your time with in recent years, walking around Bugis and many other areas.

#11 – From your friend M, another old, close friend who came to your aid so many times. The pain on his face is so evident.

#12 – From your friend S. No 20 year old should have to give a eulogy for his friend. He reminds us so much of you. And like you said, he is one of the nicest, if not the nicest person you knew. When he hugs us, it somehow feels like it is from you.

#13, #14 – From your cousins, A, A and little A,, Anta and Uncle C who flew from thousands of miles away to be with us during this difficult time and continue to be our constant support. Their pain is often as intense as ours.

#15 – From your cousin little J, and S Mami, who also flew from miles away to be with us. We are so blessed to have them with us. And they continue to stay so close to us. 

It is like we can see bits of you in these 4 precious, little boys.

#16, #17, #18 – From A, S and little A, Aunty K and Uncle P. They are now as close as family, if not more. Not a day goes by when one of them doesn’t check on me. They also miss you so much. “Godsisters” is the term we have decided on. I’m sure you approve.

#19 – From Aunty J. Your second grandmother. She loved and still loves you so much. Another heartbreak as she lay an envelope on your bed. It is so unfair that the elderly have to go through all this pain.

#20 – From “Lynnda”. One of your more recent friends. And one that feels your loss so, so much. The support we give each other is so unusual, but so precious.

#21 – From your friend L. The sweet girl you talked about a lot, but we only met after you passed.

Aunty B, Aunty E and Aunty V, also present and all feel your loss so much. And some close family and friends from a far, who constantly had you and us in their thoughts all day and have helped us so much on this painful, tragic journey.

We are forever indebted.

And there we have it Josh. These were the people who loved you most, your loved ones who released the 21 purple and gold balloons, with personal notes tied to each balloon. So many of us struggled to write the notes, with tears smearing the purple paper. It was almost like you were in such a rush to get the messages and the balloons. The wind carried them high above the dusky sky in seconds, as tears spilled onto the grassy fields where you played soccer for so many days as a child. So much of love, so much of grief as we all hugged each other and cried. It was a beautiful gathering Josh. I know you were watching. I hope you are as happy as can be.

Love Mum