I Swear You Will Be Fine

Your original idea for our first date was not actually a walk in the park. This was early April, and we were just getting to know each other. Again, we weren’t really sure if the date was an actual date. Looking back, it probably was, but the fact that our second date was months later might have implied that it wasn’t. Whatever it technically was, we think and call it a date, so it shall be. Anyway, your original plan was for us to go to a library and do puzzles together, because you knew I liked libraries and puzzles. When you told me this brilliant idea of yours, I was super stoked – like, jaw-dropped-when-I-read-the-message kind of stoked. I agreed almost instantly, of course, and kept asking you where you got this idea from, because it was that good. You were acting nonchalant (I say “acting” because after we got together, you told me you were really nervous to text me back then), and said you merely combined two of my favorite things together. We did not end up doing that date though, but it was added to our very long list of date ideas. The list still applies, we just have to wait a little while longer to do those dates.

Knowing that we didn’t manage to do the puzzle date actually bugged us for a while before we added it to the list. I kept bringing it up – saying we should do a puzzle together because it would be so much fun. And you agreed, even though you weren’t a huge fan of puzzles. For Christmas last year, though we said we wouldn’t get each other anything, we did anyway. You had your gift for me wrapped beautifully and told me that I’d have to wait until I came back from Japan to unwrap it. I was soooo excited, and you were too. Throughout my entire trip, you kept reminding me that something was waiting for me when I got back, and waved the wrapped present in front of the camera whenever we video-called. But alas, the surprise that was waiting for me was not the one I wanted.

When I got back, it was your mum and sister who gave me the present instead. I unwrapped it at home, because I wasn’t sure I’d be able to hold it together if I unwrapped it in front of them. It was a beautiful Disney’s Aladdin 1000-piece jigsaw puzzle. The scene was of Jasmine and Aladdin flying off on the magic carpet, and all the other characters were present too. The view of the sky was a pretty purplish-blue, with the cityscape and blooming flowers covering half the puzzle. It was, honestly, the most beautiful puzzle I’d ever seen. How I wish I could have done it with you.

I didn’t start the puzzle for a few months after. I couldn’t bring myself to. Then your mum and I decided to do it together. I think your mum was the next best person I could have done it with (plus your sister too but I think she was quite glad to not have to do it… I asked). Your mum is the closest person to you. It was the best decision we made, and I am so glad we did it together. As sad as I am that I’m not doing it with you, I’m so thankful your mum was willing to sit with me for hours piecing this puzzle together. It was metaphorical, really. I think you would have been happy that your mum did it with me. I definitely could not have done it alone, and you were definitely with us – eavesdropping on our conversations and thinking “What’s taking them so long? The piece is right in front of them!”

When the puzzle was done, your family very kindly took me to IKEA to get a frame, and we framed it up, left it in your room for a while, before I brought it home. It now sits under my photo wall (where dozens of pictures of you and I are pasted), at a spot where anyone who walks by my room can see it. Even my parents said it was a beautiful puzzle (after telling me off for making your mum do it with me).

Your mum and I have another puzzle waiting for us to begin. This one also reminds us of you. I think you’d be excited for us. I bet you’d sit with us again, eavesdropping or commenting on our speed!

I can’t wait to see you again. When I get there, we’ll do the prettiest puzzle there is, and we can ask your mum to do it with us too. I love you more, always, and forever.

Love always,
Sha