I Swear You Will Be Fine

About a week after you died, Jess, Tun and I were asked to go to the police station to give our statements. It was just days after you passed. Everything was still so intensely raw. It was a difficult time just being seated in the waiting room to be called. It felt like everything was closing in on us.

Eventually IO W came to meet us. We were escorted to an area upstairs and different officers were assigned to each of us to give our statement. Of course, I had the “privilege” of giving my statement to IO W. 

He sat in front of me in a very tiny, dated room. He had a laptop that looked like it was going to disintegrate any moment. And then he started typing. Oh my. He couldn’t have been slower. Just the index finger, of just one hand. You can imagine the speed, or lack thereof. I thought of the way you usually type, fingers flying faster than the wings of a hummingbird. The irony of it all.

And then the questions started. Again, there were the usual, expected questions. It was more than difficult reliving the worst day of our lives. 

But it soon became comical. 

IO W asked me about your history. I tried to give details but very quickly realised the less information I gave, the less painful this was going to be.

IO W: So why he do this ah?

Me: He had mental health problems.

IO W: Like what ah?

Me: He had Borderline Personality Disorder.

IO W: Huh? Border what? (as he starts typing it out)

Me: Borderline Personality Disorder

IO W: Border Disorder?

Me: No, Borderline Personality Disorder

IO W: Borderline Order?

Me: (totally fed up). Yes….

The questions continued. I’m only highlighting the most significant.

IO W: So you know ah, he sick right? What you do?

Me: He was under the care of a psychiatrist.

IO W: Some more?

Me: He was seeing a psychologist too.

IO W: So other than this, you never do anything for him ah?

Me: (defeated) No, I never do anything for him. 

I could hear you say, “No, No, my Mum did everything humanly possible”. But it just wasn’t worth it with this guy. I just wanted it to end.

After over an hour, I finished. And met Jess and Tun outside. I think that was the first day we all laughed as we recounted our different experiences. You must have been laughing hysterically right next to us. As I’ve been saying since, good luck to anyone who really needs a case investigated.

How nice it would have been to never meet IO W, to never have to step into the police station, and to never have to give a statement about your passing. But it is what it is. This is what life has thrown at us.

But I’m sure you found this whole thing quite funny. We are also blessed to have the courage to laugh this off, and the knowledge to look for the support we need.

Love you darling,

Mum