I Swear You Will Be Fine

I think most people know this by now, so it’s okay for me to write about it – I have tattoos, most of which are on my arms. Usually, I keep them covered unless the people I’m with are comfortable with them. I know there’s still a stigma or stereotype around tattoos, so out of respect, I’ll often ask if the person or their family members are okay with me not covering them. Covering up has never really bothered me. My own family doesn’t like my tattoos, so I never assume that others will.

When I first started going out with Josh – on our very first date, actually (because I wanted to be open and my true self with him) – I told him I had tattoos on my arms and asked if it was okay for me to leave them uncovered. He very casually said it was absolutely fine, and that I never needed to worry about things like that with him. On that same date, he asked if my tattoos had any meaning. I told him the full, honest stories behind all of them, even though I usually don’t. It’s not in my nature to open up easily, but I did with Josh because I somehow felt like he would understand whatever I said even if I couldn’t express myself very well. He liked that all of my tattoos were well thought-out and meaningful to me. When I explained that the bouquet of flowers on my right arm had been drawn by various friends and family, Josh said it was a really sweet idea but had one question: What if someone who didn’t get to draw a flower wants to? Would I end up with a whole sleeve of flowers from everyone I know? He asked it so innocently that I wasn’t sure if I should laugh or answer seriously – so I did both. I laughed and explained that I only asked people who had been truly kind to me (though in hindsight, not everyone on my arm ended up being kind all the time). I don’t regret the idea, but I do regret asking some people. Josh knows this too.

The reason I’m sharing this first-date memory is because that day, I looked at Josh and thought to myself: If I am lucky enough to have more than a friendship with him, I’ll ask him to add to the bouquet on my arm. I knew this was something I’d never regret. I don’t know how to explain why, but I just knew. After Josh passed, someone asked me, “But what if Josh had drawn on your arm and then you two didn’t work out?” My answer was simple, “I wouldn’t regret it, because of the person that he is. I had thought about that possibility before asking him, but deep down, I also knew we weren’t gonna break up.” It might sound naïve, but I wasn’t wrong, was I?

Months later, we were happily together. And one day in August, I finally asked Josh to draw for me. I wanted to add to the bouquet, but I told him it didn’t have to be a flower – it could be anything (I remembered his words and didn’t really feel like having more flowers on my arm. Besides, I wanted his drawing to be special, not just another flower in a bouquet.) Since his was the only drawing I wanted to add, the entire design was all up to his creativity. Josh felt so honored and took this art project very seriously. He’d share his ideas with me and ask what I thought, but since I’m the furthest from an artist, I told him to just draw whatever he wanted and assured him that I would love it anyway. The whole point of it was for him to draw on my arm, and I knew he would make it beautiful.

Shortly after, he came up with several designs. For my own reasons, I also wanted a Medusa tattoo with Josh’s adaptation, so I asked Josh to design her in his own style. The designs he showed me were super pretty and totally my style. It was about to be my favorite piece of art (how lucky am I that my boyfriend is both my favorite musician AND artist!). In October, I got the design done, with Josh right by my side, patiently waiting and still feeling honored that I’d chosen to get his work tattooed. He was honored? Imagine how I feel, carrying his artwork on my skin. Here is his design, and how it looks on my arm.

What I didn’t know then was that Josh also wanted a tattoo. At first, I worried that I had unintentionally influenced him, and told him multiple times that he really shouldn’t get one unless he really, really wanted to. But he told me that he’d been thinking about it for two years, long before he met me – he was just waiting for the right idea. After asking his mum and grandparents for permission and sharing the idea with his sister, he decided on a tattoo of Cadbury and Knight (the doggies). He contacted the artist and set an appointment for February 2025, texting me after to ask if I would come with him. But, as we know, he didn’t manage to get the tattoo.

In February, I reached out to the same artist (who is also my artist), explained what had happened, and asked if I could see the tattoo design Josh was planning to get. She very kindly sent it to me and when I saw it, I knew instantly that I had to get it, with the addition of my two bunnies. I had once told Josh that one day, in the far future, I’d want to get a tattoo of my bunnies and the dogs playing together, since these are our animals who mean a lot to us, and would likely never get to play together in this lifetime (Knight would possibly eat my bunnies). Josh had been so touched that I loved the doggies enough to want them permanently on my skin. Seeing the tattoo design he was planning to get, I knew that it was the right choice. In July, I contacted the artist again, this time with photos of my bunnies. And on the 18^th of August 2025, I had the design inked on my left bicep, the same spot Josh had chosen for his. Here is the original design of the dogs that Josh planned to get, the updated design with my bunnies, and the tattoo now on my arm.

Some special details about the tattoo:

1. The dogs are wearing outfits from the movie “Up” – When the artist asked Josh to describe the doggies’ personalities, he described Cadbury as the old man and Knight as the little boy.
2. Knight’s eyes are blue – It might not be visible in the picture attached, but this was a last-minute suggestion made by the artist. The artist noticed this from the reference photo of Knight that Josh sent her last year, and asked if I would like for his eyes to be blue like the picture. Even though all my tattoos are usually black-and-white, I agreed. I think Josh would have gotten Knight’s eyes in blue too.
3.  If you look closely, there’s a little “J” on the flag – I asked the artist if it was possible to subtly include the letter “J” in the design, and she managed to do it beautifully. I think Josh would have loved it.
4.  The tattoo is on my left bicep – As mentioned, Josh wanted to get his on his left bicep too. It only felt right to match him in that way.

I hope you like it, Josh. The tattoo couldn’t have been more perfect. Including the designs you drew for me last year, it now feels like you are a bigger part of me. It makes me feel closer to you. And in some way, I’m helping you finish what you didn’t get to do. I hope you’re happy with this. I think you are. The artist captured Knight and Cadbury’s personalities so well, and my bunnies look exactly like themselves too.

I can’t wait to see you again. I wonder if there are tattoo artists in Heaven, and if you got one done. Maybe you even chose this same design – if you did, we’re matching! I love you more, always, and forever.

Love always,
Sha