I Swear You Will Be Fine

Dear Josh,

Shalini just wrote a post on “favourite lines”. Your word “Yabagoobie” had me laughing away. And also reminded me of how much we would laugh together about different words, even when you were a very young child.

“Anemone”, was a word that would constantly amuse you. Similar to the conversation Nemo and his father Marlin would have in the movie “Finding Nemo”. For years, we would constantly say it like Nemo: Anemenemenemone….and we would keep laughing.

There were many more, though not all are coming to my mind. I hope they will resurface at some point.

But the most recent one was when we went to Sydney and had a meal at a seafood restaurant. “Barramundi”. Stress on the “mundi”. It would keep you laughing for several minutes, sometimes to the point that we couldn’t look at each other because we would burst out laughing. This carried through for many, many years. And I would frequently make you laugh by saying this word.

When I read Shalini’s post, I wondered. Perhaps if I had said that word more frequently in those last days, or even on the day itself, would it have improved your mood? So many regrets, some so silly like these, constantly haunt me. The disbelief still sometimes attacks with a crushing force.

As December approaches, we are all struggling more. It is like a massive exam is approaching, but a lot worse than that. We are grasping at anything that will help us.

Well darling, I hope you are having a lot of laughs in heaven. About a lot of different funny names. I can see you and your good friend J sitting together and laughing about this.

Keep laughing about “Barramundi”!

Love Mum