I Swear You Will Be Fine

Dear Josh,

A few letters ago I said I haven’t been churning out any poetic thoughts lately. Spoiler alert, I still have not managed to produce anything poetic. But fret not, because I found a poem online that I absolutely LOVED and I thought you’d like it too. It is so us that I sent it to you and also made a mental note to share it here. It’s so beautifully written that I got sad I didn’t come up with it. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do. Here it goes:

Achilles says to Patroclus,
“I would recognize you
in total darkness
were you mute, and I deaf.
I would recognize you
in another lifetime entirely,
in different bodies,
different times,
and I would love you
through all of this
until the very last star in the sky
burnt out into oblivion.”
That’s nice, innit?
But to be honest,
I’d settle for doing laundry with you.
We could take it in turns
to be bamboozled by the corners of our fitted sheet,
swearing as the corners spring free for the 14^th time.
I wouldn’t mind sitting with you in January’s grey,
both of us promising not to leave tax returns
until the absolute last minute next time,
but knowing full well
we are creatures of habit,
of last-minute panic,
and so that likely won’t change.
I really hope there are plenty of days
where you settle your scaffolding shoulders
behind my tired sighs.
I’d like to memorize
the way you linger at the window
when the sky is wide and quiet.
And in the mornings
when our hands are busy with small rituals,
yours in the sink washing up last night’s “couldn’t-quite-be-bothereds”
and mine somehow gluing breakfast together from leftovers.
I’ll think even in the silence of routine
we can build something extraordinary.
So look, whilst I’m certain
that we are destined for greater adventures than this,
if our worst-case scenario culminates in
coffee always brewing
and music always on…
well, I think that sounds pretty nice, actually.

This is a poem by Georgie Jones. You can see why I thought of us when I listened to this, right? It sounds so much like us! I think one reason why we can be so content with the “mundanes” of daily life is because we make everything extraordinary just by being together. I’m not even exaggerating to be sweet or romantic. We could find fun in doing the dishes, laying food out, and washing the doggie bowls. Things that others might consider bothersome chores, we thoroughly enjoy doing. We found fun in running errands together – walking in the hot sun carrying loads of things we didn’t really need. Because it’s not really about the thing you’re doing, right? It’s the person you do it with. That’s also how I knew it would be us – that it would be you – because there is no one else I’d rather tackle the “mundanes” of life with, because we found fun in the “mundanes”. We could have the best time laughing while cleaning the house. We’d make corny jokes while doing the laundry. We’d make food together – you’d do most of the work and I’d hover around you, waiting for instructions and getting excited that you said “thank you for your help” when I merely passed you pepper (this has happened). You are so easy to be with and so nice to be around. I just knew that life would be perfect with you – not “perfect” because bad things won’t happen, but because even if bad things do happen, I’d still have you.

Being in a relationship with you has made me observe other relationships and wonder why they are together. That sounds a little mean; I’m not trying to rain on other people’s relationships. Some might argue that our relationship isn’t great either. And I wouldn’t be so arrogant to claim that we are the best there is (though I might think that……..), but I can’t understand several things about other relationships. Hear me out, I’m really not trying to be mean. It’s genuine curiosity, and I have examples!

There’s another intern at my clinic and she was telling me about this guy she’s been talking to for a month. She sounded very excited to speak about him and their relationship, and following the social norms of conversations, I asked questions with genuine curiosity. My first question was if she feels like she can be herself with him. Valid and simple question, right? You’d think that if you’re going to date someone, you’d be able to be yourself with them. But, she hesitated and said, “What do you mean?” Which shocked me because… what? If you truly can be yourself with someone, wouldn’t you say “yes” without hesitation? I only know that because that’s how I’d reply if I was asked. After I explained what I meant, she became softer and said, “Oh, yeah I guess so? I don’t know.” “Hm” was my response to that, and I changed the topic. I wasn’t trying to be mean, Josh. I hope I didn’t sound mean. But… how? And… why would you want to be with someone who you’re unsure if you can be yourself with? Maybe it’s like if you’ve only drank soda to quench your thirst, you don’t know what it’d feel like to have water? But it really made me wonder if that is the norm. Like, is that how most relationships are? All of these relationship struggles make me feel so grateful I met you.

Another relationship I’ve been recently exposed to is my internship supervisor’s marriage. She’s 29 and I don’t think she’s been married for long, but she frequently makes “I hate my spouse” jokes – which I absolutely detest, by the way. How disrespectful is that? And if you hate your spouse… why be with them? I could never imagine making jokes like that about you, and I know you’d never make jokes like that about me. If we have issues with each other, why not just communicate? Am I simplifying the matter? I don’t think so. I don’t think anything warrants “I hate my spouse” jokes. This was something we talked about at the beginning of our relationship as well. I asked you about your thoughts on these types of jokes and when you said you hated them, I did a little happy dance internally. We then talked about everything I just mentioned – the disrespect, the lack of communication, etc. Honestly, I’m so glad you are so big on communication.

Sorry for the random rant on relationships, Josh. I forget that only you enjoy discussing such topics with me. I also know that we aren’t perfect (hm, are we not?), but we are also never ever disrespectful or mean to each other (and many more!) – and just based on those reasons alone, I’d say we are pretty close to perfect. I sometimes wonder if I speak too highly of you and us. But then I think, “Why would I not?”

I’m very content with us. I hope you are too. I can’t wait to see you again. I love you more, always, and forever.

Love always,
Sha