I Swear You Will Be Fine

Dear Josh,

Are you up to date on Gen V? Have you seen the last season? I actually forgot the last two episodes were already out because Mum was here. Normally, I think I would’ve gotten a text from you letting me know. A lot of our messages were just you telling me about music and TV shows being released. It’s fairly inconvenient that I’m not getting those reminders anymore.

I think you would have liked the last season. I thought it was great. Maybe I’m going insane, but it often felt like you were speaking to me through the show. Two characters are lost to suicide — both ridiculously bright, twenty-something boys (literally superheroes) who remind me of you. Their names are Andre and Luke. You would’ve liked how much the writers acknowledged what these characters went through. They didn’t gloss over their hardships like most shows (and people) do. Like you, life should have been much kinder to them.

Andre’s dad is shown to completely fall apart after losing his son. He drinks, stops working, and doesn’t see the point in going on. But when he comes to, he says that it would dishonour everything his son went through if he gave up. I feel like I’ve heard Mum echo those exact words. He literally says, “I don’t know how I’m going to live without him, but I’m going to try.”

Luke leaves behind a brother with severe mental health issues. He specifically reminds me of you. His build is like yours, and he’s got curly hair. But he’s also clearly troubled. So much of the show focuses on how his delusions constantly distress him. Honestly, I find even watching it stressful — and that’s just a glimpse into what you were going through. I do think you’d want me to clarify that the brother hallucinates about puppets. I’m fairly certain you did not.

Of course, this is a TV show. But the actor who played Andre actually died. In his early twenties, he was in a motorcycle accident and passed away last year. I think you were the one who told me about it, though I didn’t realise it was the same guy from Gen V. Andre dies in the first episode of this season, but he’s constantly brought up — not just how he died, but who he was and how those who love him are trying to honour him. You can tell the cast and writers are grieving too.

In the last episode, someone describes Andre as the greatest hero they’d ever met. I can’t call you that. That’s weird, you’re my brother. But you did go through so much more in your twenty years than any of us have. As awful as things feel for us, you had it so much worse. And if you’re watching us grieve, you probably still do.

But I’ll take the signs. I know they’re real — because the character who’s the smartest person in the world is named Jessica. So obviously, you’re speaking to me, because that has to be true. I miss talking with you about how perverse and gory Gen V is. You’d also want me to tell all the adults (and old people) not to watch it. It’s definitely not appropriate.

Hope Halloween in heaven was fun. Surely you can trick-or-treat with celebrities.

Love you,
Jess