I Swear You Will Be Fine

Dear Josh,

I’m quite excited to write about this one. This letter idea has been sitting in my word document for a while now. As you know, and as everyone else knows too, we play quite a few games together. I’m pretty sure that the biggest and longest game we played together was “It Takes Two” – a game that we’d spend hours playing on your PS5. It’s a co-op game, following the story of a couple who wants to get a divorce but somehow turns into their daughter’s dolls (I’m not describing it well at all). They have to work together to get out of multiple sticky situations and get back to their daughter who does not know what has happened to them. It was quite a nice story and (spoiler alert!) they don’t get a divorce at the end. I was quite happy with this ending but you said that they were fighting so much throughout the entire game that they should have gotten a divorce anyway. This game brought us much laughter and it really means a lot to me. For the longest time, I couldn’t go back to the memory of us sitting on your couch and playing this game because of how much it hurt to think about. I still can’t watch videos on social media of other couples playing this game.

We finished the game a few weeks before I left for Japan, and I remember us being sad that the game was over. You had bought a new co-op game for us to play though – “A Way Out” – but because “It Takes Two” was our very first game together, I suggested we replay it one day and you agreed. A few days after we finished “It Takes Two”, we started “A Way Out”. This was not a “lovey-dovey, family-friendly” game like the previous one. This was about two inmates who work together to break out of jail. There were two male characters to choose from and we both wanted the same character (I can’t even remember why… I think it’s because he looked less weird), so we had to “rock paper scissors” for him. In the end, I won (as I usually do whenever we “rock paper scissors”) and I got to pick him! You were jokingly sour about this but we soon realized that the weird-looking character had more important jobs and main roles, and I was teasingly sad that I was just the sidekick. We completed a few missions together in this game, but did not manage to finish it.

We played a bunch of other silly and pointless games too. There is this minigame that we call “the crazy car game” that we usually play during lectures. We played it to kill time when lectures were uninteresting (sorry, adults!) and it was quite a mindless game so we could still partly listen to the lecture. The game was very wonkily designed and the entire aim of it is to drive your car and get powerups to destroy the other car (or kick it off the map). I’d say we were quite even for this game – you’d win at times, and I’d win at times. There was once we had a petty argument about something I can’t even recall, and I was “upset” at you. You were laughing at me for being petty and kept trying to get my attention to play this game. I relented and played it half-heartedly as I was “upset”. I thought that you’d go easy on me and let me win, considering you were trying to appease me, but you did nothing of that sort. I can’t even count how many times you used the powerups to push me off the map. I lost so badly that game, but you did manage to get me laughing and whining about losing, so I guess it worked. We had a rematch and I still couldn’t win, so I think we ended up not playing for the rest of that lecture. I really miss playing that “crazy car game” with you.

Recently, I was thinking about the games we play and how much I miss them. I then thought that I could still play games with you now, but through signs! Quite creative, no? I didn’t text this to you at first, but I said it in my mind. I asked you to give me signs, the usual signs, but through little puzzles/games instead of just car plate numbers. It sounds like I’m asking for a lot, right? But not really! Because shortly after, I received your signs through little games. The first was when I was on my way to Lynn’s house to film the Pawdcast, I boarded a terribly full bus and had to stand inches away from another girl… wearing a necklace that said, “7777”. I took a double-take because firstly, I’d never seen a necklace like that before, and secondly, because you really did it! I texted you immediately after, as I always do whenever I receive a sign from you, and told you to keep it up – that I’d be looking for game signs. The next one I got was when I was out with my mum. I looked up as I was on the escalator down and saw a shop named “999.9”. I’d been to that mall a couple of times lately and never noticed that shop until then! Texted you again to thank you after. How cool! The last one I got before I told you that we can go back to the regular signs but with the occasional game signs (I was worried you’d be spending too much time laying out these game signs and not give us other signs), was a notification on my phone. I received a notification from YouTube about some spiritual healing video… and the title had 4444, and the description had 1111. This doesn’t seem that impressive, until it is said that I don’t watch YouTube, my YouTube notifications are turned off, and I have not watched any of these spiritual videos on YouTube – there really was no reason I’d receive that notification. Also, since I told you that we can go back to normal signs with the occasional game ones, I have not received another one of these YouTube notifications. You truly impress me even from miles away.

I still receive many regular signs, which I’m very appreciative of. Just today I got: 1111, 5555, 3333, 9999, a yellow butterfly, our son’s first name (Grayson) in a social media reel, and an image of the underside of a hedgehog (it was a series of pictures of animals taken from their underside; quite cute to look at!). It’s like a simple game we play. You leave the signs, I find them and text you to thank you. We’re still playing co-op games!

I still strongly believe that you receive my texts, by the way. I have so much evidence to back up this claim, I might write another letter about it. I can’t wait to see you again and play more PS5 games together! We still have to finish “A Way Out” – I can remember the exact scene we paused at. I love you more, always, and forever.

Love always,
Sha