I Swear You Will Be Fine

Dear Josh,

Did you know such a day existed? I may have vaguely heard about it, but never actually paid much attention to it.

All Souls’ Day, for your information, is a day of prayer and remembrance for the faithful departed, and is observed by Christians on the 2nd of November. It pains me to accept you are one of these. 

However, as usual, we are blessed to be surrounded by so many who miss you and pray for you.

The first I heard about it was when Ammamma went to light the candles for you on Friday, 31st October, as she does on every last day of the month. But she couldn’t park her car because the church was full for All Souls’ Day? I think so anyway.

Then Aunty M sent me a text to say she had written your name and put it in the Remembrance Box for prayers in the month of November. I was so touched.

I asked Aunty B why she didn’t do this at her church (yes, I know, very presumptuous of me, but I also know how much you mean to Aunty B). Well, she said she had already done it. So lovely.

A couple of weeks ago, while I was in Edinburgh, Aunty K sent me a picture of A’s school graduation. She had already asked me the day before if I would be ok receiving pictures of her graduation and I welcomed it. So I was looking forward to seeing how she was dressed etc. But the more special thing was the projected slide behind her, taking over the whole stage. At the bottom of her name and appreciation message to her family was one statement, “Most importantly, for Josh.” The tears came, and did not stop for a long time.

And then I got a text from Shalini, during a meeting surrounded by senior management in the boardroom. It was a photo and video from your friend L. She was in Amsterdam and had gone to a festival to light candles for loved ones who had passed. I told myself not to open the video then, while in a meeting, knowing it just might start the waterworks. But curiosity got the better of me, and I did. The result of which was several minutes thereafter of tearing and trying to hide it. I tried to pretend I wasn’t meant to answer a question directed at me until my CEO actually looked at me and said, “can you answer this?”. 

10 months later, I am so, so grateful for the so very many people, who constantly think about you and us. It is these touching events that get me. I hope you are watching this from heaven Josh, and I hope you know how much you continue to be loved.

Love,

Mum