I Swear You Will Be Fine

Dear Josh,

You are certainly getting better and better at this!

2 days ago, I came home to a very quiet, empty house and was feeling your absence more than usual. I walked into your room saying in my mind, “Josh, I need something today”. And there on your phone, was yet again, 2 iMessage notifications. One from Jess and one from Patta. One had come in at 2am and the other at about 5am. And just like before, when I clicked on the notifications, they disappeared. And there were no messages. Neither had messaged you at all. In fact, when I tried telling Patta about the miraculous sign you sent, he got quite defensive and said, “what rubbish. I never message anyone….”. Hmmm

Then later that night, Jess had visited her friend in Dorsett. They went to a restaurant for lunch. And on the wall was this, “To young men contemplating a voyage, I would say go- Captain Joshua Slocombe”. Ok Josh, we get it. You had to go on this voyage.

And then, just hours later, I get a text from A. She had gotten a tattoo. And in memory of you and your most favourite movie Dead Poet’s Society, her tattoo read, “O Captain, my Captain”. Truly brought tears to my eyes. What an honour! When I asked her if it was painful, she said yes, but that it was nothing compared to the pain you suffered. Oh my. I have no excuse now.

It has always been a regret- that I didn’t allow you to get a tattoo, until weeks before you passed. When I complained to Aunty B that you were asking for one, she reminded me that most 20 year olds wouldn’t even ask for permission. And then, I told you that you had to also get Ammamma’s permission. And finally, we were too late.

But I hope you are happy that this is now 3 of your closest, who have gotten tattoos in memory and honour of you. How incredibly special. I guess you showed us your approval and gratitude with the quote in the restaurant.

As the end of the year approaches, we need all these signs more Josh. I know we should leave you in peace. But we really need these. Please, please keep them coming. On the harder days, they are the only things that keep us going.

Love,

Mum