I Swear You Will Be Fine

Dear Josh,

You and I started regular walks just a few weeks after Caddy came into our home. That was almost 10 years ago. The full round around our condo is exactly 800 metres.

It was during these walks that you would talk most to me. I heard about your friends at school, about drama club, about your exams, studies and your plans for the future. When you were younger, I would try to make it 2 rounds, in an attempt to increase the exercise. In recent years, it was the other way around. You would want to do more, and I, less.

A few years after Caddy came, Knight joined the walks too. We had the usual spots where we would pause for the dogs to pee. We would always be on the look out for other dogs and their dog-walkers, and take a different route if necessary (Caddy and Knight going totally insane when they see other dogs).

As you got fitter, you would sometimes pause at the pull-up bars, and you would ask me to record you doing pull-ups.

Sometimes, the walks would be in total silence. Those days would be because you were not in a good mood. But I would still ask you if I could join you to try to spend time with you. Sometimes, I would have said something to irritate you during the walk, and the rest of the walk would be in silence.

When Shalini came into the picture, I was glad that she would be the one to accompany you. Many a time, these walks would happen when I was at the gym, and both of you would pause to wave at me. On days, when you were walking the dogs alone, you would look briefly at me, but too “cool” to pause longer than a couple of seconds.

In the last weeks of the year, and after Shalini left for her travels, I would sometimes ask you if I could come with you. Most of the time, you had said you wanted to be alone.

The last time I saw you, you were taking the dogs out for a walk.

Now, it is mostly Tun who takes the dogs down for their walks. Occasionally Jess, Shalini and I take them down. I like to think you are sometimes walking with us. While you are missed so much during these walks, there are a whole lot of memories of walking with you, and often, the feeling that you are still walking with us. The dogs generally seem content, so I think the latter must be true.

Love Mum