I Swear You Will Be Fine

Hi josh,

i hadn’t been writing for a while now not because i’ve got nothing to say to you, but you’d know the reason why. over dinner recently, we even joked about how the coasters were just falling everywhere willy-nilly and that was definitely your way of voicing your disdain for what was being shared.

these days, even more so since december, the default had been sadness. i know your family and friends had been stricken ever since – some may have felt relief and joy in moments, but it seems like the default has been sadness. not just grief, not just bereavement or even loss, but a sense of “is this really it?”

“it” can apply to a lot of things – i used to think that i was a pretty optimistic person – driven, ambitious, funny and somewhat obnoxious. but i realise that i’m no longer all of that and i can’t remember when it started exactly. we all lost so much in 2025 that reality no longer seemed like the default we wanted to be in, and i can’t remember when the switch became so utterly complete that my default is now sadness.

it’s like a meter you wake up with every day – you’re in the red and everything you try to do from the moment you open your eyes is to try and move the needle just a bit, just enough to exist without shattering. if it feels like that for some of us, how much worser it must’ve been for you. i know i said before that i really hope that the default for your family and loved ones will eventually not be this, and ease should be the norm, not the exception. but on many days, i know it can’t be. if we are feeling but a tiny fraction of what you’ve been fighting for, what right do we have to not want to fight harder just to move the needle slightly, even if it’s just for the people around us who loves us for who we are.

even with so many things going on right now, distractions aren’t good enough to save us from the default. but i hope that there are days where you would be able to look at what we are achieving so far and feel proud that we’ve moved the needle just a little bit more.

“lynda”