I Swear You Will Be Fine

Dear Josh,

Our home got very quiet after you left us. Not that you were noisy. But your presence is missed all over the house, not just in your room. When Anta first came over, this is what she said. “It’s so quiet”. It is missed around the condo as well. This has been your home since you were just 6 months old. So it is only natural that we see you everywhere.

Months after you left us, a few close friends came over for dinner. One of them who came into your room gave me some advice. She said to bring people over more often and even into your room. And that I had to “breathe life” into our home again. It has not been easy especially so with my personality- frequently preferring the quiet of the house and my solitude when I need to grieve the most.

Things changed in the last 6 weeks though. With Jess back and doing almost 14 hour days studying, she and Tun have been home a lot. And so Ammamma and Patta have been coming home for most of our meals.

Shalini has also been coming over to our home more too. You will be so happy to know how close Shalini and Jess have become. 

The other day, Jess was “using” Shalini as a patient and practising her clinical skills on her. Shalini was totally enjoying herself. And Jess was loving having such a “good” patient.

When I came home from work the day before Jess was heading back, Shalini was already at home. We all sat at the table and we were having a laugh about how we’ve been giving Shalini “sugar-free” green tea based on your instructions. It was only then that Shalini revealed that she thought we were all as “healthy” as you are and thought she could only ask for sugar free tea. Tun just couldn’t stop laughing.

When I was in the shower a few minutes later, there was an unusual sound. It was the sound of laughter coming from Jess’s room. Shalini and Jess were laughing together about something. I smiled. You told me multiple times that Jess and Shalini would get along. You were so right. I just wish you were here to see it. With the smiles, unfortunately comes sadness too, for what could have been.

Our home is FULL of all your things. Literally EVERY nook and corner. Everything is pretty much still where they were. I have no plans to change anything. But this year, I will try to breathe life into our home again. After all, it is your favourite place in the world. It is only right that it becomes a happy place again for all of us.

Love Mum