I Swear You Will Be Fine

Dear Josh,

Shalini already wrote a bit about this, but I thought I would add on.

The day of our walk to the beach was especially hard. I had woken up very early and was tired. It all compounded. So the planned walk was very timely.

This was the first time Tun, Shalini and I went to the beach with the dogs. Tun and I had done it a few months before, but it was short. It’s weird we don’t walk at the beach often given how close we live to it.

As we exited the condo and came near the underpass, I recalled an incident to Shalini. It was when you were very little. You had stepped into a red ants’ nest, and they were crawling and biting you all over. We literally had to strip you at the entry to the underpass to get them all off you.

As we walked by the beach, I recalled to Shalini and Tun how we used to bring Caddy for walks several years ago. There was one day that you took him into the sand. But I don’t recall you taking him near the water.

Both Caddy and Knight were very happy. Knight especially looked like he was in wonderland, his head tilting ever so frequently, taking in all the different sights. We walked quite far, past the place where you liked to see the sandcastles being built.

On the way back, we stopped to get drinks at the hawker centre. Shalini wanted this strange blue drink (Blueberry Longan apparently!). Tun and I had sugarcane drinks. You would not have approved! The dogs stopped to have a drink of water. 

The weather was lovely, and it was a very nice walk. It also got me out of my bad mood.

When I went to bed that night, I was thinking of how you and I would frequently plan to take the dogs to the beach. But when we were about to go, you would ask if we could just limit the walk to going around the condo. In fear that the whole walk would be cancelled, I would relent. As a result, I think you only took Caddy to the beach, never Knight. I missed you a lot that night. But I also tried to tell myself how difficult it was for you to do something like walk up to the beach which was just minutes away.

I hope you are happy that we are doing these things, especially with the dogs. And I truly hope you are also walking alongside, laughing with us at the dogs, being embarrassed when they go crazy seeing other dogs, enjoying the sound of the waves, and feeling the pleasant breeze.

Love Mum