I Swear You Will Be Fine

Dear Josh,

You would have found this quite funny. Although I think you were right there next to me watching the whole episode.

So as you know I’m in Bangkok for a conference.

Do you remember my black sandals? I doubt you remember them. We had both gone to BHG to get some Christmas presents for Ammamma. We got her a pair of sandals, and then I got a pair too. It was rare for you to come with me for these things. It was at least 3-4 years ago. But it was special that you were with me while I bought these.

Anyway, they are a pair I wear frequently. But I never noticed while in Singapore that they were wearing away. I recall my feet occasionally slipping while wearing them, but never realised it was because the sole was starting to separate.

Well, it picked the worst time to totally come apart. 

Yesterday I decided to walk from the conference hall back to the hotel. Yes, adventurous, for me especially. As I walked along the uneven pavements, my feet kept slipping. I constantly heard your voice saying, “careful Mum”. It became more and more frequent, until at one point, I thought something had caught in it. I looked down and the left sandal had completely come apart. I couldn’t even take another step forward. Luckily I was standing right outside a Muji. I had to grab the first pair of sandals I could find (they look quite horrific) and hopped along to the cashier. And managed to save my feet.

I then looked at the grotty torn apart sandals. And didn’t know what to do. I went into the washrooms at Siam Paragon and took them out to chuck them. But I couldn’t. So I put them in my conference tote bag and kept walking.

A couple of hours later, I went past another bin outside a washroom at Central World. I opened the tote bag but couldn’t even bring them out.

I ended up walking around for hours with the sandals in the tote bag, the whole time wondering what to do. I could hear you saying, “you’re being silly Mum”. 

Eventually I brought them all the way back to the hotel and put them in the bin in the room. Though it also goes to the garbage, it felt better throwing them there rather than in a mall bin. I also told myself we have so many other things that are far more special. And we have so many memories. It just didn’t make sense to keep these sandals. This is the level of rationality I sometimes spiral down into.

Bangkok is nice Josh. When I landed, I told you to stay with Shalini, as I don’t think you would like it here. But I find myself talking to you more here, probably because I’m alone a lot of the time. The last 2 days have been the first 2 days of this year that I haven’t cried. Thank you for the extra special sign- the little purple elephant in my tote bag. I wanted to check everyone else’s bag to see how special it was.

Love Mum