I Swear You Will Be Fine

Dear Josh,

There has been a lot that will go into my memory bank over the last couple of days. Throughout the days, you came into my mind frequently. I comforted myself saying you wouldn’t have joined us anyway. But I was sad that I couldn’t FaceTime you to show you some of the scenes, and more, that I couldn’t call you at the end of the day to tell you all the stories, like I did with Jess. I hope you were with us, but just in case, let me tell you now.

The purpose of this whole trip was for Patta to see his ancestral home. It was a long drive to Jaffna, but it went well. Jess says you are with us making sure everything is going well. From Jaffna, it was another drive. First to Patta’s school, where he has lots and lots of memories as a “little boy”. His days with his brothers and sisters in school, and in his hostel. Unfortunately, there was not much of the school he could identify with. Not because of his memory, but because the school was completely destroyed during the war and has now been reconstructed. The highlight of this part of the trip was the beautiful ocean just behind the school. That was what I enjoyed the most, and I think you would have too.

We then went to Patta’s home. The house that once belonged to his mother and great-grandmother. There were so many stories of him as a “little boy”. I had seen this home when I was 3 years old. Weirdly, I still have a lot of memories of this home too. And S Mama, has admirably maintained the home in its original condition. Patta was ecstatic. You would have loved to see the joy on his face. I know he is one of your most favourite people. He did the walk in and out and around the house twice, difficult as it was with his walking stick. His nieces and nephew constantly showered us with various stories of Patta and his siblings, as well as some controversial ones about the house! That’s for another day. We also managed to visit Patta’s mother’s grave, something he had never seen. It was very special. We even saw the graves of his grandparents, grey stones carved with crude writings, and now overgrown with various thistle-type weeds among the white sand. What an effort this must have been to accomplish during the war. The adventurous drive to visit the graves was littered with carpets of purple flowers.

In the afternoon, Ammamma, S Mami, D Mami and I visited an orphanage. Do you remember how I used to sponsor a child with World Vision? 2 kids actually- a girl and a boy. World Vision removed the boy a few years ago because they had moved overseas. The girl had also graduated. A couple of years ago I got another girl. But somehow I didn’t get another boy. After you passed, I constantly looked at World Vision to sponsor another little boy. It just didn’t feel right. Like I was trying to replace you. I know it sounds silly. Well, when we visited this orphanage, last minute changes to the plans ended up with S Mami coming along. As we reached the place, she realised she had a child there she was already sponsoring. While I listened to the conversation between the officers and S Mami, it felt like the right time for me too. So I asked to sponsor a little boy. I will hear about the child allocated to me in the next few weeks. The orphanage is beautifully run and maintained. It was heartwarming to see.

The end of the day was at D Mami’s house. She had made us the most delicious purple pudding. As we walked around the house, we stumbled across lots of family photos. One of them was with you, as a little boy, sitting lovingly on Ammamma’s lap. It delightful to see a picture of you that we didn’t have.

You would be pleased with everything that’s happened in the last few days. I think you would be proud that this trip has been made possible. But to me, what has been striking, is the love being shown to Patta, by his nieces and nephews. You would have been very happy to see this.

Love you lots, my little boy.

Mum