I Swear You Will Be Fine

Dear Josh,

We came across several stray dogs in Sri Lanka. Many would be happily lying in the middle of the roads. Initially I was terrified they were going to get run over. In time I realised they would move just in the nick of time. I think you would be alarmed about this too.

Ammamma was looking at these dogs and saying how spoiled ours were. I think they were even more spoiled when we were away with Shalini and Aunty B, and even Lynn. When we got back, I felt like their response was, “oh…you’re back….”.

We must have seen over a hundred dogs. They were everywhere, even on the steps of the Kandy Market. We nearly stepped on it. But I only saw one puppy, and this was during one of the last car rides. When I saw it, I mumbled to myself, “Awww, it’s a puppy!”. As soon as I said it out loud, I realised I said the same words you would say, and I said it the same way you would say it. We even have a recording of you saying it when you opened Shalini’s letter on Christmas Day and there was an origami puppy inside.

I also recall the long car rides (by Singapore’s standards) we would have every morning when I dropped Jess and you at school. It would still be dark. Once Jess got off, you would jump in the front seat. And during the next 10 minutes before it was your turn to get off at your school, you would show me videos of the cutest baby animals- puppies, kittens, bunnies etc. I wonder now if it was a way for you to relieve your stress and anxiety.

Shalini recently said to me that she sees a lot of you in Jess and even in me. I was so happy as soon as I said those words, “Awww, it’s a puppy”. These are the reminders we have of you. It is heartening to know you continue to live in us and through us. I hope you enjoyed seeing that little puppy too.

Love Mum