I Swear You Will Be Fine

Dear Josh,

Today is Jess’ birthday. We had dinner together for her because she’s away. I’m sure you are with her and ensuring that she has a good day. I remember the first time you told me you had a sister who’s the same age as I am. My first reaction was probably, “Um, is that weird?” but after, I was quite excited about it. I’ve always wanted a twin sister or a sister in general, so I was hoping we’d get along. As we began dating, you’d make comments about how similar I am to your sister and I’d jokingly say that it’s kind of weird how similar we are and you’d say, “NOOO, don’t make it weird!!!”. It became quite funny because you eventually got really weirded out because you thought I bore some similarities to both your sister and your mum. I take that as a compliment. I think they should too because it means they were such good people that you wanted a partner like them.

The first time I met your sister was on video call. I was at your place and your mum was on the phone with her. I got a bit nervous because I didn’t expect to be “meeting” her yet and I wanted to make a good impression. I remember you holding the phone at a horrible angle whilst I said “hi”. I couldn’t help myself but to move your hand upwards to make myself look better on camera and quietly said to you, “No, not this angle. Hold it like that, so I look better.” I didn’t think Jess heard it but she did and all of us ended up laughing. It was a very brief meeting and you walked me home after. The moment we exited your front door I bounced around and told you, “I like her! I like her! She’s so cool!” and then got worried that she didn’t like me and kept asking you if I did okay. You told me it was fine and she’s cool, so it’ll be okay. It became a little inside joke for us to always end every interaction I have with your family with me jokingly asking you if they hate me and you laughing and saying “no”. I hope they don’t. I still keep this joke up sometimes and ask you (when I’m alone in my room) if your family hates me.

The first time we officially met, we had chicken rice at your place. It was supposed to be hotpot, and we had all convinced you to go because I said you could wash the soup off the chicken meat in hot water. I remember asking you if we could eat hotpot more frequently if you ended up liking it, and you agreed. Although we didn’t get to go for hotpot, chicken rice was amazing. Did you know that I didn’t eat chicken rice until I met you? I hated it because of how much my brother ate it but when I found out it was one of the only outside foods you would eat, I thought, “why not” and decided to start. I like eating it now because it reminds me of this – the chicken rice lunch with your sister. There was one moment during this lunch where I thought your mum might dislike me. My tattoos were covered up but your sister asked if she could see them. I hesitantly looked at you for approval and glanced at your mum to see her expression. I didn’t want to be the influence that made everyone interested in tattoos. I think your family would have actually hated me if that happened! But you nodded and your sister was so nice about it, telling me I didn’t have to show them to her if I didn’t want to. Of course I wanted to! No reason why I shouldn’t. When everyone approved, I lifted my sleeve and shirt and she was sooooo sweetly saying how nice they are. I have this whole lunch saved and locked in my memory box. It’s a nice one to replay.

There has never been a single moment where I’m not happy to see your sister, and I think a large part of why I feel this way is you. You’ve always spoken so highly of her. You’d tell everyone about how well she’s doing in school, how she’s going to be a doctor like your mum, how smart she is, and much more. I know you’ll rarely say these to her face because that’s how siblings work, but I also know that your love for her is shown in many other ways. I have prepared some gifts for her for this birthday from the both of us. I hope she’ll like ‘em. I believe you helped to plant these gift ideas in my head. And I will continue to give her gifts from the both of us for every birthday she will have for as long as I can, so please keep helping me with this.

Stay with your sister for this week, okay? It’s birthday week for her and she misses you very much.

We all can’t wait to see you again. We love you more, always, and forever.

Love always,
Sha