I Swear You Will Be Fine

Dear Josh,

Jess and I are in Bangkok for her elective. Your name is mentioned somehow ever so frequently. Even as we reached the airport in Singapore, Jess said you wouldn’t have wanted to come with us. I agreed. As usual, we take your framed picture with us and it is the first thing unpacked and displayed as soon as we reach the hotel room.

I tried to remember the first time you came to Thailand. I think you were just 3 years, maybe 4. We stayed at a beach resort. It was one of the first holidays of the sort for our family. Usually, every holiday would be a return trip to Sydney.

I remember it rained a lot during that holiday. We didn’t venture out much from the resort. But you would be super excited each day to take the boat to cross the lagoon. You would be even more excited to meet the baby elephant that would visit us at the beach every morning. I must look for those photos. Jess and you would also spend some time feeding the fish near the breakfast area. It was also the first time you saw a puffer fish while we were walking on the beach.

I also remember you making a racket when we went out for dinner one night. It was a little place away from the hotel, literally on the beach. I think you kept clanking the cutlery (not uncommon for you). There was a man with his girlfriend having dinner too. He was not pleased. At some point he yelled at us to keep you quiet. I don’t think you were that noisy (maybe I’m biased). Dad yelled back at him and it was all a little uncomfortable.

Strangely, some of these things come back to me. Though I worry constantly about how much I am forgetting.

As I went out for breakfast this morning, I dropped my iPad on the pavement. It was careless of me. It landed hard, but I didn’t think it was damaged. As I tried to switch it on at breakfast to read my book, it didn’t turn on. Quite upsetting, as you were heavily involved in the purchase of this iPad several years ago. I informed Jess and Shalini in our group chat. They immediately stepped in to try to rectify the situation. But it still doesn’t work. Part of me tells myself, I’ve already lost you. What’s the big issue about losing the iPad. But it is. It is a big deal.

Anyway, despite not liking Bangkok very much, I hope you are with us Josh. Lumpini Park is near us and the hospital where Jess is working. Apparently there are a number of monitor lizards there. So make sure you stay away from that place!

Love Mum