I Swear You Will Be Fine

Dear Josh,

I’m doing an insanely interesting elective in Thailand. As always, I’m convinced you worked some magic to get me here by putting ridiculously nice people in my path, but it’s resulted in an eye-opening experience. I thought we’ve already seen how unfair life can get, but this was incredibly naive. I’ve had patients who look like children, and are children, but they’re being treated like adults. They’re not just treated like adults, but ultimately abused in a way I didn’t think still happened. I never thought I’d be in a situation where all I could do was watch. I just kept thinking about what you would do.

You have a very, very strong sense of right and wrong. Do you remember when we went for the Brockhampton concert? We queued for hours, and in that queue, 2 twenty-something-year-old guys were talking to some teenage girls. All we had to do was look at each other to know we were in agreement. We talked about it later, and while we agreed the guys hadn’t done anything vehemently wrong, it was still weird.

You’ve always been good like this. I didn’t feel like I had to worry about you much when it came to stuff like this. After all, you were raised in a house of girls. I know you’re a feminist. I deconditioned you to pads when you were a kid. I’m 100% sure you would’ve carried that mentality to your kids.

And yet, even though some part of me knew you felt this way, we didn’t often talk about it. Largely because we knew we’d argue. You know where I stood, and I knew where your principles were, but the BPD complicated it. I think it’d be much easier for us to have a conversation about it now. I know where you stand. It just sucks that it’s clearer now than it was when you were about.

Someone asked me a few days ago if my whole family was in Bangkok with me. I said no, just my Mum. Thinking about it later, I realised Mum’s the only immediate family member I have on earth. But it doesn’t feel that way. You still feel very, very close to us. I sincerely hope you’re in agreement with me about this post. I think we could talk about it now.

Love,
Jess