I Swear You Will Be Fine

Mid-November, you called me as I was coming home from work. You had been planning Sha’s birthday for weeks. And that night was a romantic dinner you had put so much effort into.

I was running late. Something was going on at work and I was supposed to meet my friends, so I was already annoyed. You asked me if I could help with something and I asked you what it was. And you asked if I could help you iron your shirt. (You had already asked Tun to iron 2 shirts for that evening). I snapped and said no. I could hear Sha in the background saying “it’s ok, it’s ok”.

I came home to find both you jokers huddled over the kitchen top, with your white linen shirt spread across. The iron was sitting in the corner, but you were both doing something with the hairdryer. When I asked what you were doing, you said the iron wasn’t working. To be specific, you said Tun “broke” the iron. And so it wasn’t working. So you were trying to “wet” the shirt and “iron” it with a hairdryer….

My annoyance disappeared with disbelief. In my mind I thought, if these two got married, they’re definitely going to need a helper….

Sha was wearing a white dress that night, so you wanted to coordinate with her by wearing a white shirt. You both looked so helpless and cute. So I relented and volunteered to iron your shirt. And the iron was working just fine. Tun hadn’t “broken” it. You had just put too much water in it.

That was one of your most special nights. You were so happy. And I was so happy for you.

That white shirt was your favourite and you looked so handsome in it. Incidentally, when you were little, your favourite shirt was a white linen shirt with an Indian collar that I bought you from H&M in Hong Kong. In your funeral picture, you are wearing this shirt. It is also the last shirt your lifeless body would wear.

Friends and family who dream about you, tell me you are wearing a white shirt.

When I imagine you walking in the flower fields, walking by the beach, playing with the dogs – you are wearing your white linen shirt.

I’m glad I ironed it for you that evening.

Love you darling.

Mum