I Swear You Will Be Fine

I love making lists. You know this about me, of course. I have several lists of things to do. I have a wish list of things I want or need to buy; last year you saw my wish list on my phone and snuck a picture of it so you’d know what to get me for my birthday. I think you also like lists. Before our second date, you told me that you had prepared a list of things you wanted to discuss with me – not because you thought we’d have nothing to talk about, but because you were worried you’d forget. When you told me this over text, I thought you were speaking figuratively. Like, I thought you were just trying to hint to me that we had many common conversational topics or something… I was wrong. While we were walking in the park, you said, “Hold on, let me check my list,” and pulled out your phone to look through the pointers you had typed out. I laughed and said I thought you weren’t being serious, and you told me, “No, no. I actually made a list because I was worried I’d forget what I wanted to tell you. Is that okay?” After you said this, you looked a little apprehensive. I think back then you were still trying to impress me (I was too) and you hadn’t known that I was very much like you. I assured you that it was fine, “Of course, nothing wrong with making lists!”

Our love for lists increased after we got together. We suddenly had lists for everything – date ideas, movies or TV shows to watch, must-haves in our future house, etc. I still enjoy lists; this is not something grief has taken away. In fact, I recently created a new one and shared it with you. It’s titled, “things to discuss when we see each other again”.

Today, I’m creating a new list. It’s split into a few categories, and might be a little similar to the most recent one I created. I’m going to title this one, “questions”. This list includes all the questions I’ve been wanting to ask you (well, some of the questions. If I wrote all the questions, this post would be never-ending). Of course, these are also questions I ask you as I talk to you throughout the day. It’ll just be nice to hear your responses. These first set of questions are some I’d like to ask you the next time I see you.

1.  Did you get everything you wanted when you came up here? Was it everything you thought it’d be?
2.  How have you been? Are there lots of yummy food? Do you still go to the gym every day? Were you taking care of doggies and bunnies too? Are you still allergic to cats?  
3.  Did you really mean to leave on the 31^st of December? Was it accidental or did you know? Can you tell me what happened then, whenever you are ready?
4.  Did we make you proud?
5.  Could you see us the whole time? What was it like?
6.  How did you send us signs? Were there any we missed?
7.  Have you gotten the chance to see everyone you like up here? Hulk Hogan came up here shortly after you did! Did you meet him yet?
8.  Were you able to watch every movie or TV show you wanted to watch? And did you get to listen to every song you like listening to?
9. Did I talk your ears off this whole time? Oopsies.
10. Did you disagree with anything I did or said?

The second set of questions are things I’d like to ask you now, like, immediately. I do end up asking you these questions when I’m alone in my room or if I can’t wait till then, I text you to ask you these things. Most of them are trivial, not-so-important questions. These questions are the ones where I can kind of guess your response, and I do that – I end these questions with “I think you would like that” or “You might disagree”.

1. Did you like the Superman movie we watched on your birthday? Did you like what we did the whole day?
2. What do you think of my outfit? Is my makeup okay? (Because you’d help style me whenever I was unsure)
3. What should I have for lunch?
4. Should I go sit in a café and read or stay home?
5. Do you think I should do the internship module or the project?
6. Should I buy a new bag?
7. Do you like these flowers?
8. Should I get treats for Cadbury and Knight? Are these unhealthy?
9. Are you here now… maybe sitting across from me?
10. Did you hear what xxx said? Can you believe what xxx did?

The third set of questions are… girlfriend questions. These are the silly, stupid questions I like to jokingly ask you. I wonder if you miss these. I’ll spare our readers and share only the top five I’ve been desperate to ask. (Readers, please bear with me. Usually only Josh hears these. He enjoys them, trust me, it makes us laugh)

• If you were a cow and I was a cow, would you come over and eat from the same grass patch as me?
• If you were in a room with 20 women, and I was one of them, how are you identifying me if you had blindfolds on and you can’t hear us speak?
• If I became a cat, and you’re allergic right, what would you do?
• Would you still date me if I turned into a rat every Sunday, but I turn back into myself on Monday, but we just don’t know what time I’ll turn into a rat?
  (Follow up question: Because we don’t know what time I become a rat right, so what if we’re out and you turn to talk to me but I’m a rat?)
• If someone told us that they’d pay us 100 million for me to do plastic surgery, what do you think I should change about my face?

Of course, there are many more questions I’d like to ask you, and if I haven’t already bored you with my endless chatter here, I can’t imagine how it’ll be when I get there. These questions are also not listed in any specific order of importance. It’s just a bunch of things I’ll eventually get to ask you. Maybe it’ll be even – I’ll be listening to you as much as you’ll be listening to me.

I’m so excited to ask you all of these questions! I also wonder if you have any lists up there… I can see you tilting your head back in laughter at the last five questions. Can’t wait to see you again. I love you more, always, and forever.

Love always,
Sha