I Swear You Will Be Fine

It’s no secret that we are both very competitive. Sometimes I actually think I am more competitive than you are. I don’t know what jogged these memories, but when they came to me, I quickly noted them in my “things I want to remember” note, where I write about us. The sudden recollection of these memories of ours made me want to write them here too. Our very first competitions were quite fun and in hindsight, clearly “pushed” us in the direction of getting together.

Other than competing in our academic life – class discussions, little quizzes, assignments, exams, overall grades – we competed in everything else. One of our first competitions was… arm wrestling. Now, everyone can clearly deduce who won. So, one might be wondering why did Sha decide to do it? Honestly, Sha has no idea. We were just jokingly talking about it and started placing bets and penalties for the loser – the loser owes the winner something, the loser has to do something stupid in school, etc. You just kept going on and on about how I’d lose that I so badly wanted to prove you wrong. Maybe that was your tactic to make me arm wrestle with you – taunting me until I couldn’t resist taking up the challenge. So, on our second date at the park, we spent almost an hour walking around trying to find an appropriate place to arm wrestle. After passing up on several dirty outdoor benches, you finally decided on the seesaw at the playground. There were several families there and the minute we saw a kid leave the seesaw, we dashed across the playground to claim it. You were so sweet, you even brought tissues to wipe the seesaw down so that I’d feel comfortable enough to put my elbow on it. In the end, we had our elbows on laid-out tissues, and started to arm wrestle. It was quite clear from the beginning that I stood no chance. After pushing against your hand for a few seconds, you asked me, “Is that it?” and easily pushed my hand down as I blankly stared at you. I remember looking at you slack-jawed while you stood up and started jumping around, rubbing your win in my face… aren’t you such a good sport! You then walked over, helped me stand up, shook my hand, and said, “How does it feel to lose?” with the cockiest expression on your face. We continued our walk quite happily – you relishing your victory while I wondered how I was going to avoid the penalty.

The second time we competed was my idea. We decided to leg wrestle. I know what everyone is thinking now… wrestle again? “Sha, have you not learnt your lesson?” was what you arrogantly asked me when I suggested this. I had been thinking about ways to come back from my embarrassing defeat at the park for a while now, and when I suggested leg wrestling, you were confused because you hadn’t heard of it. I had to explain the concept of it to you and I thought, “Bingo! My win awaits!” At the end of July, after much discussion and delay, we were walking to the train station after school when we suddenly decided to do it. We sought out seats under the void deck, put our things down, and sat across from each other. You were clearly a little nervous, because we had penalties for this too and I didn’t tell you what your penalty would be. Before we began, you asked me again if I was sure I wanted to do this. After positioning our legs, I was feeling quite confident because I literally had to point you in the direction to put your legs. I was so sure that you’d lose this because you wouldn’t be prepared for how to play it… I might have been wrong. The minute the game started and I pushed, you caught on quickly and held on stronger than I expected. It took a while for you to win and I could see a flash of worry on your face when you realized it wasn’t going to be as easy to win this. I remember your taunts and smirks as we were playing too – you weren’t sure of how to play, but still remained confident that you’d win. In the end… you did. A week or so later, I did the penalty you had planned for me… and we got together!

We continued competing for most of our relationship, but the best part of it was that we would always be genuinely happy for each other if the other person “won”. I miss that very much – someone who’s always cheering me on and still providing me with just enough competition that I’d never remain stagnant. In a lot of relationships I’ve seen, one party becomes the other’s “ceiling” – limiting their potential and stunting their growth. I am so glad that we help each other grow and support each other no matter what. I am learning that this is quite rare to find. Thank goodness I found it with you.

I’ll always miss you, my other half. I can’t wait to see you again. I love you more, always, and forever.

Love always,
Sha