I Swear You Will Be Fine

Dear Josh,

This letter is going to sound a lot angrier than intended, but I swear I’m not angry at all. I’m about to write about some of the odd things I’ve heard people say to me in relation to you. These are things I’ve heard this year, after you left for Heaven, and last year, after I “announced” that I have a boyfriend. The ones I heard last year I came straight home to tell you about and your reaction was very much similar to mine. Again, I’m not angry at all! Usually whenever I hear these things my reaction is an immediate “Hm… what an odd thing to say” – though I never actually express this. I usually try to laugh it off to prevent awkwardness. Though I’m starting to think I should say what I’m thinking – if other people can make me feel uncomfortable, surely I’m allowed to reciprocate it? Well, you can be the judge of that. Here are some of the odd things people have said that I still remember.

1. “Oh, that’s only because you guys are a few months in. You’ll get tired of each other soon.” This was said to me by a friend of mine after I posted the picture of us and properly “announced” that I’m dating someone. I was out with my group of friends and they started asking about you. I’m horribly shy when it comes to questions like these, and I never actually do our relationship, or you, any justice. This response was a follow up to “So, what do you like about him?”, and I answered, “We get along super well and he’s really, really nice.” I also said that there’s so much more but I don’t know how to accurately describe it. Then she said that line. And I instantly felt uncomfortable, because… what? She also has a boyfriend… so… what an odd thing to say! Like, do you perhaps hate the person you’re dating and think every relationship is going to be like yours? Geez. I came home and shared this with you and you said the same thing – that that’s such a negative thing to say and very “I hate my spouse” type of joke to make.
2.  This one happened relatively recently. Someone said to me, “Oh you’re so lucky” in reference to your mum coming to pick me up from a location. When this was said to me, I felt like it was an awkward thing to say, but also agreed that I am lucky that my boyfriend’s family treats me so kindly. I told your mum what happened after I got in her car and she was like, “what??” which then made me realize that… yeah… that is an odd thing to say to someone who lost their boyfriend. I’m so lucky…? Hmm. Lucky I met you? Yes. Lucky your family is kind? Yes. Lucky in general? No.
3.  “Isn’t it great? He loved and missed you so much that he couldn’t bear to be without you!” This came from my therapist. I only saw her for five sessions before I stopped therapy, but this was one of the things she said to me in my second session. Not sure what she was trying to achieve here, but I don’t think it worked. Like, do I count my blessings that my boyfriend passed while I was on holiday? Is that what was implied? Am I supposed to be grateful? Maybe I’m receiving it wrong, but… odd.
4.  “You’re so young, I think you are going to be okay.” I’ve received several versions of this and all of them have annoyed me immensely. There’s so much here to break down, I don’t even know where to start. So, so much wrong with this statement. I’ll leave this where it is because if I begin criticizing this, I wouldn’t know when to stop.

I’m sure there are many more that I will suddenly recall after I post this. Sometimes when I hear these odd things, I can imagine you saying, “Seriously?” and rolling your eyes. I’m also sure that your sister, mum, grandmother and many more of your family members can create a list of odd things people have said too. I mean, I know not many people really know what to say in bad situations, but the first point was a good situation? I guess these are just the oddities of humankind, huh? I can hear you laugh at the way I just phrased that.

I can’t wait to see you again. I love you more, always, and forever.

Love always,
Sha