I Swear You Will Be Fine

Months back, the rain would make sha feel especially alone. We would talk about the stories you both had about the umbrella you tried to get her to change (for the sun too, not just rain). And I remember saying to her, whenever it rains, it meant that you were missing her so much that this was how you could show her.

Recently, we were walking back to her place when it started as a light drizzle, then as if on cue, it poured right before we got in and i remember (maybe not out loud) thinking, ok josh i know you’re here too and we’re gonna go see sha’s bunnies and how her parents would react to seeing me for the first time. it was a pretty non-event except for my socks getting soaked.

I shared a song with you both recently by eaJ and somehow, every time i hear this now, i think of you and the stories about your brolly and the rain. on days when it rains, it feels both a little worser and a little better.

when the rain stops

Sorry if it feels like I’m out of it
I’m a little fucked up
Guess it doesn’t get easier
Like they say that it does
Sorry if I owe you apologies
I’m a little backed up
Disappointed some people
Who gave me nothing but love

Oh, I’m such a mess
Counting up all my regrets
Maybe it’s all in my head
Maybe it’s all in my head

Even when the rain stops
I can feel it follow me
Even when the pain’s gone
I can feel it haunting me
And it’s gonna kill me

Maybe I’m some kind of animal
Maybe everyone is right
I have trouble believing
That I could be a good guy, oh
Quit the bars
But I still gotta do my time
Is it all?
But it still wouldn’t make it right
Now the best I can do is to stay alive

Oh, I’m such a mess
Counting up all my regrets
Maybe it’s all in my head
Maybe it’s all in my head

Even when the rain stops
I can feel it follow me
Even when the pain’s gone
I can feel it haunting me
And it’s gonna kill me

Oh god, I’m sorry
And I’ll be sorry till I die
Oh god, I’m sorry
My past it haunts me every night
And if you’re wondering
I might have tried a couple times
Oh god, I’m sorry
And I’ll be sorry till I die

Till I die, till I die, mmm