I Swear You Will Be Fine

Dear Josh,

I know it’s Christmas, but I’m trying to forget that it is, so I won’t be writing about that. Sorry.

It’s no secret that you’re highly intelligent. I know I sound very arrogant whenever I talk about your intelligence. It’s something I like to boast about (might be a girlfriend thing). Your family members have written about your achievements extensively – something I’m always happy to read – and although I’ve mentioned multiple times, in various ways, that you’re intelligent, I’ve not actually written about your Dean’s List achievements. Again, I know your family talked about this before but I think we are ultimately bound to repeat a few things. I’d like to share about when you first told me you’ve been on the Dean’s List a few times. I can feel you getting a bit bashful now, but brace yourself, I’m not about to stop boasting about you.

Like I wrote a while back, I didn’t actually think you were very smart when I first met you because you were hiding your intelligence. Why? Not sure. But the minute we both knew we could get along, there was hardly an ounce of humility. The first time I really understood how bright you are was when you talked about your foundation year in school, the year before the degree program, and how you got a High Distinction (HD) for every single subject. Every single subject! Who does that?? You are rightfully proud of all those HDs, but the subject that you constantly love to boast about is Mathematics. You know how uninterested I am in Math, and most times when there’s Math involved, I mentally check out before I can even begin thinking about the problem. I believe that my disinterest in Math makes you want to rub your Mathematic achievements in my face even more. I can hear you talking about how you got a full 100% for Math in your foundation year and how you were the only person to have done that (obviously, because who does that!). I remember us playing this super easy, quick math game once during lecture and you got an A+ while I got a B – that was another boasting moment for you too. I took this as a good thing though – when we have kids, I wouldn’t have to teach them Math. Anyway, if I recall correctly, you were on the Dean’s List in your foundation year twice, and I was all giddy that I have a super smart boyfriend.

Then came the degree program. This was slightly tougher, and you admitted that you had to study a bit more to get Distinctions (D) and High Distinctions. We complained about every little mark that costed us a HD, and threatened to write a nasty review for every lecturer that didn’t easily give us at least a D for every assignment. Alright, I’m aware that we are now sounding like terrible people, but I’d like to reiterate that it’s kind of justified because our work was mostly at least worthy of Ds. And we never wrote nasty reviews unless the lecturer was actually an unkind person. We’d get a fair number of Ds and HDs but rarely made it to the Dean’s List because of how challenging it was to do so. But as we know, you managed that once more for your last semester of 2024. I remember the moment we found out so clearly. I was in Japan, and we were checking our grades together as per our usual practice. You told me your grades, and we both got very silently excited that you made it (silently because my parents were in the room with me). I actually told my parents you got on the Dean’s List and they were quite excited too. Your excitement was short-lived though, because your mood those few days had not been great. But I remember, so clearly, that you were very happy and proud of yourself. I was and still am too.

I wish you were here to make it on the Dean’s List again. I wish we could be jumping excitedly at home after checking our grades. I wish we could be celebrating with something simple but fun – something that’s very us.

Remember how at the start of this year I told you that everything I have achieved and will achieve will be ours? Well, I don’t know if this is your gift to me, or my gift to you, but I checked my grades a few days ago, and I’m on the Dean’s List.

Merry Christmas, Josh. Like your sister, I’m only wishing you this year. I hope you’ve decorated your Christmas tree in Heaven. Is it purple and yellow? I loved decorating the tree with you last year. Thank you for a taste of Christmas with you.

I love you more, always, and forever. I can’t wait to see you again.

Love always,
Sha