I Swear You Will Be Fine

Dear Josh,

Humans work in mysterious and silly ways. My uncle has moved out. I’m actually very happy for him because he worked hard, saved a ton of money, and bought a flat all by himself. Well, I’m pretty sure my parents paid for some of his furniture (he is their true first child), but still, all by himself! I love the design he chose for his place. Super minimalistic and very techy. You would have liked it too. The flooring is really smooth and the house currently smells of concrete, one of my favorite smells.

My uncle has lived with me my whole life and I treat him as an older brother though he is 12 years older than I am. When I was a kid, we bickered a lot more but he has also treated me very nicely. I think I’m his favorite in the house, which is new because I’m convinced everyone else favors my brother. When I was a kid, we lived in a condominium and I had to share a room with my parents because we didn’t have enough rooms. My grandmother had a room to herself, my uncle had a room to himself, and the rest of us shared a room. As a child, I thought silly things like wishing he would move out so I could have my own room. I only learned that I didn’t really want him to move out when he enlisted in the army. I proper missed him then and never wished for my own room again.

After we moved to a house with enough rooms for all, I never considered that he would move out at all and I didn’t mind it. His room is on the second floor, across from mine, and our interactions were mostly when we’d cross paths walking down the stairs. I would actually go days without seeing or hearing him. It’s funny because you think that you won’t miss someone who you don’t frequently interact with, but there’s something about knowing they’re in the house, you know?

We helped him move out today. I know I’m being dramatic, because he says he will come home for dinner frequently, but I am now alone on the second floor. When he was talking about moving out, I asked if he would move all his shoes out because I wanted more space for my new shoes and he agreed (I asked because he actually left a lot of things in his room). But now that there’s space in the shoe rack, I can’t bear to fill it because it’s his space. Isn’t it silly? My parents also told him that they will keep his room as it is for him if he ever wants to move back. He laughed in their face but I think he’s secretly touched.

Sorry, I don’t think I’m describing my uncle well. Let me try to do better. He met you for a total of ten seconds one evening (he walked by after saying hi) but when you passed in December, he went for your wake on my behalf without any hesitation. He helped order the flowers I sent you for your funeral. And I heard from your family that he sat at your wake for a decent amount of time. Every year he asks what I want for my birthday and I can’t remember a year where he didn’t fulfill my request. The Harry Potter Lego I’m currently building is actually from him.

It’s funny how we miss the things and people we never think we’d miss. Or rather, we never know we’re going to have to miss someone. I never thought I’d miss him, sounds weirdly emotional to, but I do. Obviously, as per my avoidant nature, I didn’t tell him any of this. I just said bye when it was time to leave. I’ll just ask him to come over for dinner more and text him whenever I have a tech-related problem.

Help me keep an eye out for him too, okay? Sorry, I’m sure you have your hands full with the number of people you’re watching over, but just one more won’t hurt, right? Miss you very much, especially now that I’m on a break and we would have been playing co-op games.

Can’t wait to see you again. I’ll love you forever, I’ll like you for always, and I’ll miss you more than you can imagine.

Love always,
Sha