I Swear You Will Be Fine

Dear Josh,

I’m still going on about this book. Spoiler alerts for anyone planning to read it.

The last time I was upset because Finch had just died, and the subsequent chapters were all very triggering with the funeral and all.

However, the last chapters of the book were actually very beautiful. They surround the other main character Violet, who is trying to come to terms with Finch’s loss and of course her own grief journey.

She attempts to complete her “wandering”, a project she started with Finch, visiting various places of interest in their hometown. And while she does this, she comes across various signs left behind by Finch, all, so, so enlightening. There were also messages he had left behind for his loved ones, something we desperately looked for with you, but never found.

In one of those chapters, she reaches out to another friend with suicidal thoughts, who appears to have a perfect life with loving parents and being popular, asking her to help her understand how it feels. Her response is as follows.

“In those moments, none of it matters. It’s like that stuff is happening to someone else because all you feel is dark inside, and that darkness just kind of takes over. You don’t even really think about what might happen to the people you leave behind, because all you can think about is yourself.”

A little bit of an inkling to what you must have felt.

I also copied another part from the book and pasted it on my phone. This is for the loved ones left behind.

“Your hope lies in accepting your life as it now lies before you, forever changed. If you can do that, the peace you seek will follow.”

I have been repeating it to myself over and over again, another mantra. I seem to have so many now. I also wonder if you had any of these types of mantras? I think you may have. I know there was no one as disciplined as you with your daily meditations.

I also learned that we all have a label now. We are Survivors of Suicide. Not sure if this helps at all. It is sad that there are so many of us. It was interesting to know that the author is also in this group.

I finished the book with a smile on my face. I don’t know if you will approve, but I recommended for Shalini to read it again. Not the first part, but the last chapters of the book. I hope you’re ok with that.

One last part from the book I relate so strongly to you.

“I was alive. I burned brightly. And then I died, but not really. Because someone like me cannot, will not, die like everyone else…….. I will always be here, in the offerings and people I left behind.”

Love Mum