I Swear You Will Be Fine

Dear Josh,

I think I’ve briefly mentioned this, but going through grief has made me realize how many nice people there are. It’s easy to look at everyone who should have been here but isn’t, but it’s also during times like these that we should look at those who are here despite not being expected to be. I wrote about my dinner with my friends. So far, everyone I’ve met up each month has been so kind. I might be wearing rose-tinted glasses right now, but I can’t recall anyone saying anything particularly mean or inappropriate. It’s almost like 2025 filtered out all the mean people so that 2026 would be slightly more pleasant. Or maybe you’re doing that – if you are, thank you.

I am a firm believer that the way you speak about people says more about you than the person you’re speaking about. As a result of this belief, I try to make sure that I don’t speak ill of others. Actually, this came up in a conversation I had over dinner with my friends. We were discussing the differences between sharing/venting about our problems and being gossipy. The conclusion is: if we are factually speaking about a person’s behavior and it makes them look bad, then maybe it’s the behavior they are exhibiting that is bad, and not us being the gossipy ones. Venting is equivalent to saying, “I’m so exhausted. This person did this and that and this and that.” Gossip is more like, “Did you see what the person was wearing?” I might be wrong and these definitions could be very subjective, but I see one as doing harm (gossip) and another as relieving harm (venting; relieving harm from yourself).

This made me think about the conversations we used to have. I think your sister was the one who said something along the lines of, “he’s b*tchy but he’s not a b*tch” – when we were talking about you. You do like to talk about others, and I honestly enjoyed doing it with you too. But in hindsight, I don’t think we were being gossipy. I think we were merely stating facts. There was this girl at school we’d talk about – she made you and I uncomfortable with various weird actions – and we’d discuss if her actions were normal and possible intentions. Back then, we thought we were being gossipy, but I think we were just venting. Shared happiness doubles it, and shared sadness halves it. I won’t say she made us sad though, just annoyed. I guess shared annoyance halves it too.

I won’t lie – this was not what I was intending to write about. I’ll go back to my original point. The point is: I’ve now noticed how many nice people there are around you and me. We somehow managed to find pretty good friends. I think, at least for you I’m sure, this comes from the person you are. You don’t speak ill of others unless you’re venting (and as established, it’s different from speaking ill of someone) – as a result, your friends have similar perspectives of people around them. From my conversations with them, I see that instead of condemning a person based on their actions, they try to think about a person’s intentions which then guides them to a conclusion about the person’s morals. I try to be a person whose morals aligns with their values – as a result, I’ve somehow managed to find friends who are on the same moral wavelength as I am. Even in conversation with your friends and family, I find that we have similar moral wavelengths (thankfully). I’m also assuming that I can get along with them because I can get along with you. Logically, that makes sense.

Anyway, I wanted to quickly thank the people who have been kind in many ways even when they didn’t have to be. First, my cousin (I don’t think he reads this blog) who purchased a cake from our foundation and contributed more than required. Next, my friends who have endured my bland replies (or sometimes no replies) and patiently waited for me to feel ready to meet them. They also very kindly allow me to talk about you and never shamed me for still grieving. I’ve never had to justify my grief or the way I’m grieving to them. Then there’s my family – who’ve given me the space (my room, actually) to put up pictures of you and light candles though I’ve once caused a small fire (it was put out relatively quickly). It has been a semi-long journey, but they’re learning to be a bit more understanding, and I acknowledge that they don’t have to, so the effort alone is appreciated. Again, I don’t think any of these people read the blog, but I wanted to highlight that in times of struggles, there are people who will disappoint but there are also people who will also impress.

I can’t wait to see you again. I love you more, always, and forever.

Love always,
Sha