I Swear You Will Be Fine

Dear Josh,

The house is lively again. A couple of Jess’s friends are visiting and staying with us. Incidentally, one of them is named Josh.

Jess warned me that it may be a bit difficult, so I was ready. When he was introduced to me, I was weirdly looking for similarities. And there were many. He is the same colour as you, almost the same build, with a quiet and pleasant demeanour, also similar to you. Both boys came over with flowers and candles. The flowers happened to have the purple pom pom flower you like as well!

Minutes after they arrived, Jess and I stepped out of the house to run an errand. When we came back and as we opened the front door, we heard the sound of the piano. Both of us looked at each other and made a face. The piano has not been touched since you passed. I often think of playing again, but just couldn’t bring myself to do it. We calmed down quickly, but it must have shown on our faces. As we walked in, this other Josh looked at us and asked if it was ok that he continued playing. Of course I said it was fine. It was only appropriate that another Josh is the first to start playing the piano again.

I was telling the boys how you learnt the piano till Grade 5, but never actually learnt to read music. I’m not sure how you passed and even did well in all your exams. It was years later when you found an app that got you interested in playing the piano again. And how well you played!

I was also reminded of your first piano exam. Jess had gone in first and you were running around the music store not at all bothered that it would be your turn next. But when Jess came out and it was finally your turn, you went under one of the demo piano stools and hid there. The examiner was so nice. He actually came out of the exam studio and called out to you. And you took his hand and walked in. Super, super cute.

It is strange, but nice, to hear your name being called in the house again. How I wish it was you we were calling. But this also feels like something you choreographed. Having friends stay over was something you couldn’t cope with because of your illness. It’s sad that it was your passing that allowed it.

Thank you for sending this other Josh our way.

Love Mum