I Swear You Will Be Fine

Dear Josh,

My worst nightmare happened last week. Our favourite member of the family wasn’t here – our beloved helper Tun. She had a deserved break back to her home country, which was the first time she hasn’t been with us since you passed. That must have been difficult in its own way. I don’t know how you would explain to your own family the grief you experience when you lose a member of your adopted family.

It also made me realise how much I hated being alone in the house. It was only after Tun left that I realised how comforting her presence was. Suddenly, there were no noises that I could pretend were made by you. It was just the dogs and me.

And oh my God. Your dogs are annoying Joshua. Cadbury peed twice in the house, dude. Twice. Over 10 days, this may not have been terrible, but I was far from pleased. It also meant Mum and me rotated feeding and walking the dogs. I mostly got the morning shift (because Mum had work, fair enough), but walking the dogs at 10 in the morning in Singaporean heat made me question why we got them.

But I then remembered that you did all of this. You did both Mum’s and my jobs. I very much took it for granted. You would wake up at 630am before university and handle everything the dogs needed. And I don’t think I remember you complaining about this at all. You just accepted it. Which I can understand that some people expect when you get dogs, but things weren’t straightforward for you. What was normal for most of us was often a trial that required much mental preparation for you.

You spent the entire day with them. They woke up with you and went to sleep with you. I can’t imagine how much they miss you. I don’t think they like me as much. But it’s ok. There are a lot of people who love you who now love them too. The way they cuddle them shows it.

Love,
Acca