I Swear You Will Be Fine

Dear Josh,

It’s birthday week! Your second most favourite week of the year. Every morning when I wake up I feel the weight even more. Jess and I were talking the other day- some days it really feels like the grief has not changed at all, and we are crumbling. I tell myself I can do this, and get going again.

Jess is heading back to London at the end of your birthday week. For the first time, I am going with her too. Maybe you planned it like this. There is the sadness of your birthday approaching, but a little excitement about travelling to London with her. If you did plan this, thank you for the distraction.

Since Jess is heading back soon, we were clearing out her cupboards going through all her stuff. The exercise took a lot longer than expected, mainly because we kept finding things related to you. 

The Daniel Radcliff signed playbill. Various things given to Jess by you. They all went into another “Joshua Box” (Shalini and I already have one). Jess now wants to get a proper airtight box for all of these things.

One of the things we found that made us laugh was Jess’s “goals” book. Every start of the year, she would write out these goals. Mostly related to school, but also a whole lot of other things. In this particular one, we found that you had added to her goals!

Hilarious! But now, so, so precious!

We miss you so much.

Love Mum