I Swear You Will Be Fine

To my darling Josh,

Tomorrow is your birthday. Our hearts are as heavy as can be. I keep reminding myself that you are happier in heaven. But there is always a part, a large part, that wonders why you couldn’t have been happy here with us. The week has truly been hard for all of us. I hope it doesn’t sadden you to see this.

I did something many will question. For many months, I pondered on doing this, but didn’t quite have the courage to do so. I told myself, if and when the time is right, I will do it. Ok, before our readers’ imagination starts running wild, let me declare what I was planning. 

I wanted to know what you would look like on your 22^nd birthday. I knew it would be excruciatingly painful. Finally, 2 days ago, I got the courage to do it. I looked through your pictures and found a nice one you took of yourself on the 23^rd of December, a week before you passed. You were dressed nicely in your suit as we were getting ready to go to the studio for Jess’s graduation photographs. I presume you took these pictures to send to Shalini.

As I cropped the picture and logged into ChatGPT, my heart was racing at a million miles per minute. I asked it to age you by 18 months. It really was like I was doing an exam, or waiting for my exam results. Ok, a lot worse than that. As I stared at the little black blob on the screen, the tears came. ChatGPT decided to take its time, so the crying went on for a while.

Eventually though, when it released the image, I was all smiles. You looked gorgeous, if I may say so. Your face was just a tad leaner. Your skin was clearer. Your hair was almost the same.

What I liked the most were your eyes. They somehow looked a whole lot brighter, your brown irises more distinct. I was actually very, very happy. Since that moment, I have stared at this picture a hundred times. Jess always reminds me that AI gives you what you like, so I am cognizant of this. But who cares right? You look amazing. And it made me happy. After all, if I can’t get the real thing, why not go to AI?

I will not post the picture here for a couple of reasons. I want everyone to remember you the way you looked before you passed. We know AI can get it wrong. And also, I think it will be quite painful for some of us to see this.

So tomorrow, we will try our best to celebrate your life. So many friends and relatives have donated to your foundation so generously. It helps that we have this in place. The plan is to spend the day delivering the cupcakes. And in the evening, some of your friends will be coming over. If all goes well, we will try to release balloons for you again.

Happy Heavenly 22^nd Birthday My Darling!

With all my love, Mum