I Swear You Will Be Fine

Dear Josh,

There was another discussion at the Support Group that got me thinking. It started with a daughter who had lost her mother. She first said she was having difficulties with accepting that the one who gave her life decided to take her own. And that this makes her question her own existence.

The conversation went on with multiple others within the group. The main focus being whether those who had taken their lives actually knew a “truth” that many of us don’t, or have yet to understand. Selfishly, perhaps, I like this idea. It somehow gives me some level of comfort. That you were able to see something beyond this world, and we are all just kind of lagging behind. It is an interesting perspective, and likely one that many cannot accept.

I am back home. It has been less than a day, but the house is so, so quiet. As I was driving into work this morning, I was thinking how much of a companion you actually were to me. I know much of your time was spent in your room, and in the last months, much of it was with Shalini. But just knowing you were there, and especially you sitting in the living room doing your own thing while I was watching TV, is very much missed. I get how difficult it is for Jess every time she comes back. It’s been just 2 weeks away for me, and I can feel it so much more.

As I was waiting in the airport for my flight, there was a whole group seated a few tables from me. It seemed to be an extended family holiday. They caught my attention as 2 of the boys were playing Uno and they were arguing about the rules. I watched them intermittently for over an hour. And then, as they were walking out to catch their flight, one of them called out to one of the boys. You guessed it…”Josh!”. Somehow felt like you were there with me too.

Missing you as always.

Love Mum